9 Ways My Sexual Fantasies Changed When I Was Pregnant
I have to be honest: I hated pregnancy. To be fair, I had a very difficult and painful pregnancy, so I'm biased in that I didn't really experience a "normal," healthy pregnancy. Still, that 40 (more or less) weeks wasn't my idea of a good time. However, it wasn't all bad. The ways my sexual fantasies changed when I was pregnant was a solid bonus to the whole being-sick-all-the-time-and-feeling-absolutely-miserable thing. Hey, you take your wins when and where you can get them, my friends.
I had a pretty solid aversion to sex during my pregnancy, only because my pregnancy was high-risk and riddled with complications and losses. My brain didn't get the memo, though, so whatever sex my body was physically lacking, my mind was more than making up for. I was having sex dreams on a regular basis, and about people and places that I never dreamt of before. Whether it was an famous actor, a best friend, or a total stranger I accidentally bumped my pregnant belly into during grocery shopping, I was fantasizing about everyone. I would say I "had a problem" but, as a sex-positive woman who doesn't see a damn thing wrong with healthy sexual expression, it was just awesome.
So if you're in the middle of human growing, and your mind has taken a serious turn for the deliciously dirty, know that you're a normal human being. Sex is normal, fantasies are healthy, and if you're not having them on a regular basis, I really hope you do soon.
They Stopped Involving My Partner...
This is hard to say out loud to a partner who's so loving, attentive, and just all around awesome. While I'm not in control of my fantasies, I know that it's difficult for anyone to completely avoid taking it personal when they find themselves absent in the sex dreams of their romantic partner.
However, when I was pregnant I kind of stopped fantasizing about my son's father. It's not that I didn't love him or still find him sexy or still didn't want him, because I did. It's just that my hormones were crazy and my mind was doing some seriously strange (and awesome, mind you) things.
I considered the mini-vacation from sexy thoughts about my partner to be somewhat of a fair trade, really. I had to house his spawn in my body for nine long months, so I could let my hormone-filled, sex-crazed brain off her proverbial leash.
...And Started Involving Jeff Goldblum
My first vivid pregnancy sex dream starred the one and only Jeff Goldblum. I won't go into detail (because these are my dreams to reminisce on, dear reader) but he didn't have to say, "Must go faster," in my dream. Not once.
I Fantasized About Odd Food Combinations
Oh, food dreams aren't sex dreams, you say? Ha! I beg to differ. In fact, I will debate that all damn day long.
When I was pregnant I was all about the food, and some pretty odd food combinations at that. I wanted ranch dressing on white rice, and I would dream about it like it was my full-time job. Not just "some" ranch on rice, but mounds of ranch dressing so that those tiny little rice bits were swimming in it. Yummy.
My Fantasies Happened more Frequently...
I can't say I'm much of a dreamer (wow, that sounds depressing, but you know what I mean). Usually, I'm too exhausted to really dream up these awesome, complex dreams I don't want to end.
However, I can't say the same when I was pregnant. Even though I was just exhausted (if not more so) I was dreaming up a storm on a regular basis. This is me not complaining, mind you. If I could take the pregnancy dreams without the pregnancy, I would be living the life, my friends.
...And Were Much More Vivid
I don't know what it's like to be a man and have "wet dreams," but I do know what it's like to be a woman and have such vivid sex dreams you're all but convinced you have some apologizing to do when you wake up in the morning.
I would wake up feeling hot, flustered, satisfied, and super guilty. Jeff Goldblum knew his stuff, and I'm not too sure my partner would have been very excited to hear all about it.
I Fantasized About Other Women
Not only were these fantasies super passionate and really amazing, they also made me feel happy. I thought back on my psychology class days, and decided to liken my sex dreams about women to this deep connection I was feeling with all pregnant or past-pregnant women. I was pregnant, a bunch of other women have been pregnant, and I was now connected to them and their energies.
We were connected in other ways in these particular dreams, too. But, you know, I'll just focus on the energy connection for now.
I Fantasized About Strangers
If I saw you on a train or while stuck in traffic or while walking down the sidewalk or while eating your dinner at the table next to mine, chances are I had a sex dream about you the following evening. I don't know, my brain was working overdrive. I was dream-sleeping with half the freakin' town, and I make no apologies (mostly because, in my dreams, no one was bad at sex stuff).
I Fantasized About Bondage
These fantasies were hot, to be sure, but they also made me feel kind of sad if I'm being honest. Again, I thought back to my psychology class days and truly believed that my new obsession with bondage was my subconscious feeling trapped by my pregnancy. It was a way for my mind to express some very real (very valid) fears about motherhood, with some sex thrown in for good measure. I'll take it.
My Fantasies Came With A Side Of Shame
It's ridiculous and sad and a sign of the patriarchy hard at work, when women are made to feel guilty or shameful for their sexual fantasies. As a woman — pregnant, parenting, or otherwise — my mind is entitled to run wild and have some seriously sexy good time.
Still, I felt bad. I felt bad that so many of my fantasies didn't necessarily involve my partner (although he was still a key player, too). I felt bad that some of my fantasies stemmed from my fears. I felt bad that I was dream-cheating on my partner with damn near everyone. I felt bad when I really didn't (and shouldn't ) need to feel bad at all.
So if you're growing a human being inside your body and your mind is filled with some seriously different (but probably awesome) sex dreams, just run with it. You won't stay pregnant forever, so enjoy Jeff Goldblum while you can.