Remember when you first met your significant other? They way you just couldn’t wait to see them again? How you couldn't keep your hands off one another, and your conversations were as endless as they were riveting? But then time passed, you settled into your routines, you had kids, and suddenly you found yourselves too busy to spend quality time together. If that sounds familiar, you're not alone. Plenty of moms long for the “newness” of their pre-kid relationships, before the diapers and bedtime stories and playdates. But how do you revive your relationship? Romper reached out to eight moms who were willing to share how they rejuvenated their relationships, proving that it's never too late to get back to the romantic basics.
To be clear, the onus on reviving a relationship in danger of being declared dead on arrival doesn't just fall on moms. Both and/or all parties involved in the romantic relationship are responsible for doing their part, which is why breathing life into your relationship will only work if you and your partner(s) are all, equally, huffing and puffing.
Personally, things in my relationship didn't improve when I simply refused to acknowledge that my partner and I had wandered off the beaten path. We had to make the time to go on a date, travel together, and communicate constantly. You know what also helped? Moving to a new state. Drastic, sure, but sometimes you ned a clean slate. But every relationship is different and, as a result, needs different thing to thrive. So with that in mind, here's what worked for other moms and their significant others:
“We entered into a competition with another couple. We are keeping a tally of sex romps, and the winning couple gets a night out on the losing couple's dime. I also negotiated a few extras for myself before agreeing to this.
Seeing several days go by on the calendar without an X reminds me that I want to win for multiple reasons: for my marriage, for my husband, for me, and for all the treats that await me when we tally up the numbers on Dec. 31!”
“We arranged to drop baby off with a family babysitter specifically so we could stay in for alone time.”
“My husband and I recently have been going through rough times and we set monthly date nights as well as go to marriage counseling because we haven't been able to communicate for about six months now. We have been married for six years.
[Marriage counseling] helps with the stress and really [forces us to] focus on us and our issues, so we can be happy and understand each other's wants and needs. [It's also good] for our children not to see us argue, but to be happy. Date nights also help us focus on us and be able to enjoy ourselves."
“Weekly date night 100 percent.”
“When [my son] was 4 , [my partner and I] separated for nine months and decided to move to Vienna, Austria and recommit to working on our relationship. It’s been the best decision of my life. (And I was the one who asked for the separation). We moved together. We took a family trip together to England to see his family (we were separated but I didn’t want our son to travel without me) and on the trip things just clicked and we realized that we wanted to be together and be overseas.”
“A few years ago I made a New Year’s Resolution to never turn down sex without a good reason. I didn't even tell my husband, but just getting in the habit again was really helpful.”
“We read a marriage book together, (about having better sex!) which we've haven't done since premarital counseling, while spending two weeks away from home at a cabin. Something about that experience really changed things for us. Getting out of our normal routine, doing fun things together, even goofy stuff like holding hands and kissing more — it was such a good reminder of who we are as a couple outside of our kids (even though our kids were with us). We celebrate our 15th anniversary next month.”
“Designated date nights one weekend night per month. It made a major difference for our marriage after having three kids together.”