When I found out I was pregnant, I became as proactive about my pending parental journey as possibly, hoping to be the kind of woman who kicked motherhood in the ass by day and conquered vegan cooking by night. Now that I'm three years into this role, I've admittedly fallen short of my "supermom" expectations, and have settled nicely into my role as a self-proclaimed lazy mom. Being a lazy mom is actually quite a relief, and I feel like lazy moms are going to outlive the rest of the parents of the world, simply because we spend less time worrying and more time living.
I suffer from a bit of anxiety, so one would think that keeping my family's day-to-day life running as smoothly as a finely tuned machine would be a priority, but that's just not the case. While, yes, I do like to keep certain aspects of our lives controlled, my anxiety is the reason I learned to loosen the reigns and just let life unfold on it's own. Trying to "do it all" and "be it all" is exhausting and so, so stressful. When I stopped trying to be the perfect parent, I felt a wave of relief wash over me and it took some of my matronly anxiety along with it.
Of course, I still get stressed, as all parents do, but for the most part being a lazy mom has had an extremely positive impact on my family's overall mentality. There are things that lazy moms just don't worry about, and I'm convinced that some of those things are adding years to the lives of lazy moms of the world. So, if you're ready to throw in that perfectly pressed and folded towel and join lazy moms on our side of the fence, consider the following reasons that lazy moms are definitely about to outlive everyone else:
We Don't Worry About Creating Fancy Meals
I do my best to feed my picky eaters an assortment of healthy alternatives to their favorite foods, but I don't lose sleep at night over chicken nuggets. As long as my kids are trying new foods, and growing and thriving like they're supposed to, I will continue to follow this laid-back approach to supper time. I'm just not that concerned with making a big, fancy meal that takes hours to prepare when I know that there's a strong possibility that my kids are going to turn their noses up at it and demand something I can make in twenty minutes. Those are hours that could be better spent on Netflix or, you know, my kids.
We Don't Melt Down When Our Kids Melt Down
I'd venture to guess there isn't a single parent in this entire world that looks forward to combating public tantrums, but they happen. Tantrums are just a part of life when you've got kids, and getting worked up over them doesn't accomplish anything other than increasing a person's blood pressure and potentially adding to the meltdown itself.
If my kids flip out because their cup is red instead of blue, I keep my cool. I don't have ice running through my veins or anything, and I'm not heavily medicated; I just don't see the point in melting down right alongside my kids.
We Let Our Kids Be Kids
I try to keep our house in order, because certain things trigger my anxiety, but for the most part I let the kids make it their playground. They make messes, sure, but none so monumental that I need a Hazmat suit to clean them. They play with cups and spoons and bowls while I cook, and they like to jump in puddles and run through sprinklers while I'm trying to load them into the car. They make messes. That's kind of what kids do. No sense in getting worked up over it.
We Slow Down
I admittedly had my family's schedule packed full of events and activities before we had our second son. We would frequently schedule dinners with our family and playdates with our friends who also had kids; we had taco night and game night and a lot of other things going on, but living our lives in a finely tuned schedule didn't leave any room for spontaneity.
Sometimes, it's nice to just roll with the punches and let life unfold on its own. It's hard to be present in the moment and truly enjoy your family when you're worried about following a tight schedule.
We Don't Lose Sleep At Night Over Mundane Things Or Activities
I would love to raise a couple of baby geniuses, but I feel like a lot of that is out of my hands. My kids don't take sign language classes or baby music classes; they watch Sesame Street and Mickey Mouse, but they seem to have learned plenty from their screen time. My three-year-old knows that an octagon is, so there's that.
If they grow up to win Nobel Prizes, that would obviously be amazing, but I doubt that a baby music class is going to impact their future in any substantial and long-lasting way. If we don't read a book every single day, I don't panic, and if we don't do sensory activities every day, well, I don't panic then, either.
We Don't Pack Our Schedules Full Of Extra Curriculars
My kids aren't enough to play sports yet, but when they are at an appropriate age for those things, I'm not going to push too many activities on them. I grew up playing sports year round and absolutely loved it, but if that's not what my kids want to do, I'm not going to force it on them. We'll use the extra free time for family trips or something else that might interest them. I'll love them whether they win Super Bowls or not.
We Don't Feel Guilty About Making Time For Ourselves
Parents, especially moms, need some time to themselves. I'm happy to cater to my kids' every need, but I'm also not immune to the necessity that is self-care. When I know I need to focus on myself, I don't feel guilty about it because I deserve some damn time to myself.
We Aren't Afraid To Ask For Help
I don't particularly enjoy asking for help, but I ask for it all the time. That saying about raising kids taking a village is 100 percent accurate. I stopped trying to be a super hero a long time ago, and I'm not afraid to ask for help when I need it, which is a lot. I've pushed myself to the brink far too many times to ever want to do it again, so instead of pushing myself so far that my sanity is questioned, I call in what few recruits we have for some assistance.
We Don't Feel Like We Have Something To Prove
I have zero interest in trying to prove something to my fellow parents (or anyone else, for that matter). My kids are alive and well; they're well fed and happy the majority of the time; they're thriving and I am not suffering because of it. That's all that really matters to me, not being some super mom who tries to overachieve in every aspect of life. My kids' health and happiness should be proof enough that I'm not a complete failure, and they're kind of obsessed with me so I must be doing something right.
We Don't Define Ourselves By Motherhood Alone
Most of the time, I love being a mom but sometimes, I admittedly don't want to parent anymore. Motherhood is hard, and if I based my entire existence on my role as a mother, I'd probably feel a little lost. I am a mother, sure, but I'm so much more than that. I'm a lover and a friend and a writer and a daughter. I love my kids, but I love myself, too, and I don't think that having an identity outside of them is a bad thing. I think it's healthy, and if more women took some time for themselves, doing the things that make them happy, rather than constantly spinning their wheels for their families, "moms" and "wine" wouldn't be considered so synonymous.
I spent some time on this parental journey trying to be a perfect parent, but it sort of sucked. I'm a much better average parent, and my entire family is happier as a whole when I'm not trying to be supermom.