I understand if people are wondering how I could possibly suggest that new moms engage in one more damn thing when they already have so much on their plate. in fact, I can understand if people have rage-clicked this link, expecting an anti-feminist, gender normative screed about "satisfying your partner even when you're not feeling it." My intention here was neither to burden nor scandalize you, dear reader, but to suggest that the reasons new moms should have maintenance sex are (or at the very least can be) good for everyone involved.
What is maintenance sex? Basically it's sex whose primary function isn't irresistible animal magnetism to your partner but, rather, sex you have to reaffirm your relationship. Of course, no one should be having sex they are actively opposed to. Moreover, no one should be coerced into having sex for the sake of a relationship because that's creepy (to the point of being terrifying). However, I think we've all been in a situation where we're not feeling it, but we're not not feeling it. For many of us, the default that our bodies are happy to maintain is "resting," or as "resting" as you can get with a new baby in close proximity. A commitment to maintenance sex gives you a little nudge to say, "Oh go ahead. You know you kind of want to. Push through the apathy."
First of all, Dr. Ruth is, perhaps, our most important global citizen. Secondly, she is sweet and adorable and smart as a whip. So, as you can imagine, the fact that I was able to ask her a billion sex questions is going on my tombstone one day. Among the oodles of great advice and information she shared that evening, the best tidbit I took away was actually on the topic of maintenance sex. She admitted that "scheduling sex" can be unromantic and can even put pressure on a couple. So she said don't schedule sex, schedule "naked cuddle time." She went on to say, "You can have some romantic bonding with your partner and there's no pressure to perform, but chances are you'll start something with all that naked cuddling, and if not you still had a sexy good time."
Listen to Dr. Ruth, you guys. She knows what she's talking about. I think there's great wisdom in this, and I think there are lots of good reasons maintenance sex is worth the effort, especially for new parents.