A wise woman once said, “Adult friends are harder to maintain than our hope in love after the announcement of Brangelina’s split.” OK, no she didn’t, but she should have because adult friendship are hard to maintain. Add kids into the mix, and all of a sudden a causal relationship between two grown-ass women becomes a mess of feelings and packed schedules and due dates and lunch dates set about three months out because when else are you going to have time to get together? So, it's not all that surprising when you realize there are things every mom secretly thinks about friendship that she just doesn't feel comfortable saying out loud. Well, now is the time to just come out with it already.
No, this doesn’t mean I’m about to reveal the secrets of the public women’s restroom conferences (I miss those, to be honest, as my toddler isn’t really that into the idea right now), or that I'm going to share exactly what went down at our junior high sleepovers. We took oaths and swore ourselves to secrecy and I intend to stick to honor those pledges.However, I do think talking about the challenges and the triumphs and the feels that our adult friendships inspire is a worthwhile conversation.
As we grow older, relationships all away around are harder to maintain, regardless of whether or not procreation is a life choice you end up making. If you do have a baby, those relationships become even more difficult to cultivate because, well, there's this tiny mini-human taking up all your time and energy and did I say time? Being honest about how hard it is, I think, is a great way to keep realistic expectations and, as a result, your friends. So, with that in mind, let’s start with a few of the things that moms think about making, and keeping, friends:
"Our 'Good Ol’ Days' Mean More To Me Now Than Ever Before"
By “good ol’ days,” I mean whatever phase in life our friendship was established, because now that I have a kid (or kids), that phase is definitely in the past. Looking at you in particular, camp friends and sorority sisters.
"The Times We Do See Each Other Are Perfection"
One of my not-so-nearest but still-very-dearest friends lives roughly 300 miles away, but last spring we managed to do a girls’ night in my city, complete with live entertainment and a hotel stay. It was the most amazing night of my life.*
*that included a touring musical production and a room with two beds
"What’s That Quote About Wind From ‘A Walk To Remember’?"
Oh, right. It’s “Our love is like the wind. I can't see it, but I can sure feel it.” That’s how I feel about my friendships now (and how I’ve always felt about Shane West). Wait, what? Who said that?
"Adult Friendships Were Already Hard Enough..."
Not since that first year out of college when most of my friends and I still lived in the same city, did my social life actually resemble, well, a social life. Since then, and since life and careers and moves and more school and families have taken over, meeting up for an impromptu happy hour is practically impossible.
"...And Kids Make Them Extra Challenging"
Once new babies are in the picture, the semblance of free time that we all once had is out the window. At least, temporarily. The older my son gets, the more I’m able to wrangle our schedule into something that looks manageable but, still, that doesn’t give me a lot of time with friends.
"The Friends Who Really Matter Do Understand"
They might miss you, in the same way that you miss them, but they won’t hold it against you. And, they understand that they still matter. even when you go weeks without hanging out. Okay, months. Okay, a lot of months.
"Does It Still Count As A Girl's Night If Our Meet Up Happens In The Morning And Somewhere With A Kids’ Menu?"
Wait, don’t answer. Like Charlie Bucket the night before he finds his golden ticket, I need these last minutes of hope.
"I Don’t Know What I Would Do Without An Unlimited Text Plan"
I mean, I guess I would spend less time texting my friends while my toddler sleeps on my lap. But to be honest, those are some of my favorite moments so that text plan isn't going anywhere.
"Pre-Baby Friends Mean Something Different Than Post-Baby Friends"
Just like high school friends are different from college friends are different from work friends. They all have an important place and serve a different purpose.
"Friends Never Let Friends Apologize For Being Busy"
It's true, friends don't let friends drive drunk. We also don't let friends apologize for being awesome ladybosses who are tough to schedule with.