I remember riding my bike over to the playground, two blocks from our apartment building, when I was nine years old. This was the '80s, so there were no cell phones and no GPS. This was also New York City, before it got cleaned up to focus on appealing to the top one percent. My daughter will be turning nine in a few months, and thanks to my upbringing I definitely think there are times when it’s perfectly safe to leave my kid unattended. It can be beneficial, too, as not having me around every moment of every day is a great way for my children to start figuring some essential life stuff out, building on what I hope is a solid foundation of what we’ve taught them about the world already.
Still, with so much negative media attention on parents who let their children go out alone and past what some others might consider "safe boundaries," it’s hard to determine what the rules are for leaving kids unattended. For me, it comes down to my own experience as a kid, and knowing my children’s capabilities. Pretty soon, I’m going to bite the bullet and let my daughter go off to that playground near our house, without me. I have to, because she is showing me that she knows what to look out for, what to avoid, and that she’s got all the important phone numbers memorized. If I shelter her for too long, she might rebel and put herself in dangerous situations she hasn’t been prepared for (or couldn't possibly be prepared for).
It’s scary, but letting my kids stretch out to grasp at the further reaches of the universe is part of my job as their parent. Of course, everyone is different and this is definitely one of those "you do you" moments (because no one knows your comfort level, or your children, like you do). However, for me, these instances were completely appropriate moments when I could give my kids some freedom:
When Your Kid Is Eight And Needs To Deliver Girl Scout Cookies
This is something I allowed my Brownie to do, in the confines of our apartment building. True, I escorted her to the floors where she needed to make her deliveries, but I retreated behind the elevator bank, out of sight while she dropped off the goods to her happy customers. No money was exchanged at this point (that happened when we took the orders, months before), but she was getting the experience of following through on a promise, presenting herself as a responsible and polite young person to our neighbors, and really, how much could go wrong when there are Thin Mints involved?
When They Can Cross The Street Themselves
I decided that this past summer was “The Summer Of Independence.” My daughter was dying to walk herself to camp which, at age eight, she is not yet allowed to do. So we worked on building her street-crossing skills. Of course, she knows to look both ways before crossing (always with the light), so it was I who really had to learn to let her do this. I’d let her get about a half of a block ahead of me, so she wasn’t totally out of sight in the beginning. By the end of the summer, she’d race ahead and I’d just catch up to her at our final destination. Right now, we’re sticking to the less busy side streets and one avenue near our building, but over this coming year, we’ll have her practice at the busier intersections and I will be dying every time she steps off the curb. But, that’s how it’s done, I guess.