The older and more aware I get, the more I realize that society lies to us about a lot of things. Sometimes learning the truth can be disappointing, like finding out that Santa isn't real. Other times, learning the truth can be really liberating and exciting, like finding out that sex doesn't automatically get worse after having a baby. In my experience (and plenty of other moms, judging from how many have multiple kids), there are quite a few ways sex gets better postpartum. Obviously, postpartum sex is different for different people, and your own personal mileage may vary. But it's entirely possible to have a satisfying sex life as a mom, and it's also possible for that sex life to be better than it was before.
Just like any other time in your life, it's only possible to have great postpartum sex if you, personally, are ready. If you’re still apprehensive or in pain or anything, don’t do it (even if you’ve gotten the six-week “all clear” from your doctor). Sex isn’t just about body parts connecting with other body parts, so the only person who can know if all of you is ready to have sex again, is you. (Also, if you've got a partner who's making you feel at all pressured or stressed about your sex life, that is only going to make things worse, either by dampening your desire or making the experience needlessly painful and uncomfortable if you do it. If they're just a little overly excited because it's been a while, help them understand how they can make postpartum sex seem more appealing. If they're being aggressive or unsupportive in general, it might be time to get professional help or consider other options.)
Of course and on the other hand, if you're feeling ready, go for it. Postpartum sex often requires a bit more preparation and attention than what you probably considered "normal" before you baby arrived — which, honestly, is probably for the best anyway. Some moms even discover that we're a lot more sensitive after giving birth, which can mean more frequent and intense orgasms. Whether or not that ends up being true for you, there are plenty of other physical and emotional ways sex gets better postpartum, including the following:
You No Longer Take Alone Time With A Partner For Granted…
Understatement of the year: brand-new people take up a lot of time, energy, and attention. That means finding time for sex after baby is more challenging than before. So when you actually get more than a few moments without said brand-new person being all over you and clamoring for your attention, it can feel like a minor miracle.
...And It May Have Been A While Since The Last Time, So You’re Extra Excited
Whether it's because you were waiting to recover from birthing or because your new small person is really demanding (on top of all of the other demands on your energy every day), you might experience long stretches of time between the last time and the next time you have sex. So when the stars do align in your favor, you often appreciate it that much more.
Three Words: Pelvic Floor Exercise. You're Welcome.
All the mamas doing their Kegels, squats, and other core/pelvic floor exercises know exactly what I'm talking about.
You Have A Deeper Appreciation For How Powerful Sex Is…
Even though I've known where babies come from since I was a little kid, actually making and having a baby made me revere and respect sex in a way I never had before. Sex feels so much more special to me now that I'm so viscerally aware of its potential consequences.
...And What Your Body Can Do
I've also found that my own respect and appreciation for my body have gotten way deeper since having a baby, which totally translates into my sex life. I'm more aware of and attuned to my body, which has helped me notice and appreciate new and different sensations during sex, and has helped me feel even more confident as a sexual person.
Postpartum Challenges Can Make You More Creative And Open-Minded…
If you're someone coping with a birth injury or scarring, you may end up exploring different sex positions or activities that you may not have paid much attention to before. Or, if you co-sleep with your baby, instead of just taking it for granted that sex will happen in your bed at bedtime, you actively look for every opportunity to have sex, anywhere and anytime your kid isn't sleeping directly on you. You guys, that's hot.
...And Can Help You Appreciate The Simple Stuff More
When parenting responsibilities, fatigue, and/or an occupied bed mean you can't just fall into bed and go at it anymore, when you actually get a chance to do just that it can seem like the best thing ever. Also incredibly luxurious post-baby? Morning sex. Being able to wake up and have morning sex means you somehow aren't on the hook for caring for the kid (either cause they're actually sleeping in their own bed, or someone else is looking after them), you and your partner actually slept well enough to feel refreshed and like each other, and neither of you has to go to work. So simple, so amazing.
You Pay More Attention...
You and your partner needing to be more mindful of your body because it's healing has lots of spillover benefits, like taking your time and being more aware of how things feel more generally.
...And Are More Intentional About Making Time For Sex
I was never someone who liked having the exact same routine day in and day out until I had kids. After becoming a mom, I realized that by having the same predictable routine for our kids, I could also carve out more predictable breaks from our kids, and that I could fill at least some of those breaks with sex. Now I'm a huge fan of routines.
Parenthood Can Deepen Your Emotional Connection (If You’re Partnered)
I don't mean this as a knock on casual sex at all. Casual sex can be a ton of fun, including for moms, and can be emotionally gratifying as well as physically satisfying. However, for folks who are parenting in the context of a committed relationship with their romantic partner, being parents together can help you discover new things (and appreciate old things) about each other that can not only strengthen your overall relationship, but make your sex life more satisfying and meaningful, too.