Life
If I'm being honest, sex isn't a difficult thing. If it's consensual and safe and the people (or persons) involved are being respected, the general concept isn't hard to comprehend or put into practice. That is, of course, unless you're pregnant. I didn't realize how difficult it would be to achieve an orgasm while I was simultaneously growing a human being inside my body, so the struggles every pregnant woman understands when having pregnancy sex are struggles I dealt with on a regular, mind-numbingly frustrating basis. The things we do to continue the human race, right ladies?
Unless you have a high-risk pregnancy or another complication, sex when you're pregnant is safe. In fact, it can be fun and ridiculously satisfying (for example, I had some of the most intense orgasms I have ever had in my entire life while I was pregnant). However, as you near your due date and you get larger and larger, sex can also be awkward. And difficult. And uncomfortable. And strange. And a slew of other not-so-fun things that can make an aversion to sex not only normal, but just smart thinking. Honestly, who wants to deal with all of those struggles when you're also dealing with insomnia, nausea (maybe), strange cravings, false labor, constant kicks and punches from the tiny human inside you and a bunch of other pregnancy side effects? The answer: no one.
So, if you're getting busy while gestating, and you're experiencing the following struggles, know that you're not alone. All of us pregnant women have been there, and I can tell you that pregnancy sex is worth the frustration. I can also tell you, that it isn't. Honestly, it's up to you, so if you forgo sexy time in favor of a comfortable couch and Netflix, I don't blame you (and no one else should, either).
You Can't Find That Allusive, Perfect Position...
The bigger that pregnant belly of mine got, the harder it was for me to find a position that gave me the opportunity to enjoy sex while simultaneously feeling comfortable and safe. Honestly, towards the end of my last trimester there as one position — and one position only — that was able to help me find the satisfaction I was looking for.
In the end, pregnancy sex seems more like work than simply sex, which is why I opted to get my kicks somewhere else (thank you, Netflix).
...And When You Do, You Automatically "Lose It"
Of course, I was so big and pregnant that my weight was easily shifted, so even when I found that one, perfect position, it was gone in a matter of moments. Talk about annoying. Talk about frustrating. Talk about the worst.
You Can't Help But Feel Self-Conscious...
I knew that my body was doing this incredible thing and that I should have continued to be in awe of it when I was having sex but, you guys, it's hard. It's hard not to be well aware of my ever-expanding form when I'm naked and pregnant. It's hard to feel "sexy" when I don't feel at home in my own body. It's hard to think I'm beautiful when I'm either constipated or nauseas or a horrible combination of both.
So, yeah, when I was getting busy when I was pregnant, I was also thinking about how I looked, how my partner thought I looked and how our sex actually looked. (Probably, in my opinion, none of the aforementioned looked all that great.)
...And Sort Of Like An Animal From 'Animal Planet'
If you've watched Animal Planet for any amount of time, you've watched a pregnant woman and her partner have sex. You're welcome.
You Either Can't Get Enough Sex...
Hormones, man. Hormones are insane. When I was pregnant, I went through a sex-craving phase, where I just wanted and needed and had to have sex all the freakin' time. I couldn't get enough (my partner was thrilled) and I had never felt more sexy or confident or beautiful.
...Or You're Kind Of Just Waiting For It To Be Over
On the other side of that pregnancy coin, I also experienced a "do-not-touch-me-ever" phase, and didn't want anything to do with sex or even talking about sex or even thinking about sex. When the mood did strike, I didn't seem as "into it" as I was during my sex-crazed phase, and I really just wanted the whole thing to be over. I mean, it was fun, don't get me wrong (safe, consensual sex is never "bad," just like pizza is never "bad") but I was really looking forward to sitting on the couch and just watching Netflix, if I'm being honest.
Your Breasts Will (Probably) Start Leaking
The first time my breasts started leaking during sex, I was in absolute shock and completely horrified. My partner, being the grown-ass man that he is, didn't mind at all and knew that my body was just preparing for breastfeeding. I was mortified, and it made me feel even more like a cow (at that point, I didn't need any help in the cow-imitation department).
Your Partner Will Probably Insist (Or Worry) That They're Hurting The Baby...
I don't know if it's men's egos or just a horrific misunderstanding (probably thanks to lacking sex education) but a man's penis isn't going to "hit" the baby. Sorry gentlemen, but you're not going to poke the baby or hurt the baby or harm the baby in any way (if your partner has been cleared for sexual activity and doesn't have a high-risk pregnancy, of course).
If you're worried you're going to hit your baby with your fun stick, stop. You're just, um, not that well endowed. Sorry.
...And You'll Have To Explain That It Isn't Possible
Because science.
Towards The End Of Your Pregnancy, You're Convinced Sex Is Going To Send You Into Labor
As I neared my due date, I was convinced that every time I had sex was going to end in labor. Honestly, it was kind of exciting. I felt like I was back in high school (the later years of high school, calm down), trying to have sex before my parents came home. This time, I was trying to have sex before my baby decided it was time to enter the world.
Your Kid Might Kick You While You're Getting Busy, And It's Weird
There were more than a few times when my baby would kick or punch my stomach while I was having sex. It was so odd and strange, because trying to focus on an orgasm while the tiny human inside you practices their Tae Bo is pretty damn difficult.
You Might Have To Stop To Pee. Seriously.
I'm not saying this happened to me, but it totally happened to me.
