I've miscarried three times, and while there are multiple valid responses to a pregnancy loss, I'm here to tell you that, for me, it didn't get any easier. As a result, there's a lot of things I wish my partner said to me when I miscarried. Yet, I'm aware that it's entirely possible he said these things to me and I don't remember them. It's also possible that I wouldn't have actually been responsive to these comments had he said them to me at the time. I'm aware that he did the best he could, having suffered a tremendous loss himself while trying to take care of our two children to give me the space I needed to completely zone out and grieve.
I can't think of anything more isolating than the days immediately following my miscarriages. Except, perhaps, maybe the six years I was hiding the secret of being sexually abused by my step-father. Yes, I really am equating the two. For me, both solitary experiences seem like the world would end before anyone was able to understand what I was going through.
The world didn't end, but it sure would be helpful to feel understood and unconditionally loved during these traumatic experiences. There is no way to truly know how to comfort someone in grief, if only because everyone grieves differently. Truly, it's also possible that even if my partner had said the following things it may not have made a difference to my dissociated self, but I still would've liked to have heard them.