Fotolia

15 People I Immediately Wanted To Thank After I Gave Birth

By
Share
Ad failed to load

You wait the better part of a year and finally, in a dramatic burst of blood, sweat, and tears, it happens: you give birth. Once the dust settles and everyone is confirmed healthy, the adrenaline that has been pumping through your system redirects from determination to euphoria. In that moment, you feel like a star and, like a star at an awards ceremony, you're filled with an overwhelming sense of gratitude. I immediately wanted to thank people after I gave birth, and not just the people directly responsible for a happy outcome. I mean, like, a very wide, extended circle.

I feel like the gratitude I felt after birth was equal parts euphoric and macabre. I was absolutely on cloud nine and in love with my little ones, but I feel like a lot of that gratitude was born of the fact that I was so scared before giving birth, and almost convinced that something "bad" was going to happen. I don't think I ever allowed myself to fully explore that fear, but it evaporated after my children were in my arms and its absence made me feel so light (of course expelling enormous babies with accompanying placentas probably contributed to that lightness as well).

Of course, that pre-birth fear was quickly replaced by other fears (SIDS, kidnapping, failure to thrive, etc.) but that's another story for another day. Today's story is all about that amazing feeling so many of us get following birth. Gratitude! Appreciation! Love of humanity! I wanted to share all that with everyone who had helped me get to this point, including:

Ad failed to load

My Partner

GIPHY

This dude did awesome. He was an incredible and invaluable source of comfort, love, and support throughout my entire pregnancy. During my first labor he walked five blocks to go to my favorite bagel place because I needed a pumpernickel bagel with veggie cream cheese "but not from the place across the street but from the really good place." During my second delivery he held my right leg so I could more effectively push. The guy was a champ. He was also responsible for half of the genetic material required to make our two beautiful babies so credit where credit's due.

My OB-GYN/Midwife

My first delivery was a c-section with an OB-GYN, and my second was a VBAC with a midwife. Both of those women were amazing.

Full disclosure: I was already fangirling pretty hard on them, but after they helped to squeeze out an 8 and 9 pound baby it went from fangirl to full-on worship. What other reaction can you possibly have to such heroic women? Like, my OB-GYN? She got my stubborn, sunny-side-up, distressed son out of my uterus. Five years later and I still have difficulty making him leave somewhere when he doesn't want to go. Then there was my midwife. There was a baby's head sticking out of my vagina and she helped there not be a baby's head sticking out of my vagina. That's unbelievable.

My Nurse

GIPHY

Specifically the nurse who attended my second birth. I don't mean to be salty, but the nurses at my first birth were not my favorite. But for baby number two? This woman was so damn charismatic and capable and encouraging. I love the hell out of that woman to this day.

Ad failed to load

My Anesthesiologist

In so many ways, these dudes were my favorites, because I really, really, really liked not feeling powerful contractions ever two minutes after I got my epidural (which was administered without a hitch both times). Anesthesiologists are basically mighty wizards: their magical powers fill me with a sense of awe and sweet, sweet relief.

Ben & Jerry

GIPHY

I couldn't really indulge during my second pregnancy — *shakes fist in air* damn you gestational diabetes! — but during my first pregnancy? Oh. Ben, Jerry, and I were in a very happy poly relationship. They were my rich and creamy paramours and I ravaged them every single night.

You know what? I have no regrets, because obviously it was the loads of ice cream that made for such an adorable, chubby, and robust baby boy.

My Family And Friends

Honestly, I wanted to thank them for staying the hell away. Fun fact about me: under normal circumstances, if I am not the center of attention I become surly and resentful. I require, like, all the attention. The only time I have found this is not true is when I am giving birth. If I could just sneak off and do it all on my own, I would be so ridiculously happy. Sadly, however, that is not an option. I have heard horror stories about the well-meaning, over-eager friends and family of laboring mothers flooding the hospital and bursting the delivery room doors down and I was determined that wouldn't happen to me. Fortunately, everyone kept their distance until summoned, and for that I was sincerely grateful.

Ad failed to load

President Barack Obama

GIPHY

Everyone else seems to thank him, but in a really sarcastic way. So I feel like I'd just want to thank him sincerely. I feel like he'd appreciate it.

My Baby

Being born is a big deal for everyone involved. I can only imagine it's no picnic for the tiny, cognitively underdeveloped person who is being squeezed out into an unknown world. So it's like, "Thank you, baby, for going along with all this."

Granted, my daughter was way more cooperative than my son (as indicated above) but, hey, in this instance I think I'm OK with a participation trophy.

The Academy

GIPHY

Everyone else does it, so why not?

Ad failed to load

Whoever Encouraged Me To Do Kegels

Because no matter how they come out, babies entering the world vaginally does a damn number on your pelvic floor. Thanks to regular kegels I'm pleased to inform you all that my "down there muscles" are healthy and spry.

My Sense Of Embarrassment, Shame, And Modesty

GIPHY

Not technically a person, but I'm going to humanize those feelings just a little bit for the purposes of this list. Pretend they're like one of the characters from Inside Out or something.

Anyway, I don't know if Embarrassment, Shame, and Modesty are actually one person or three, but they all took the day off. Because, folks, I made noises I have never heard from a human before. I shrieked updates about my butt hole. I literally ripped of my clothes and if someone tried to put them back on me I ripped them off again. I pooped on a woman. IDNGAF. Not a single one. So thank you, Embarrassment, Shame, and Modesty, for letting me just do what I needed to do.

The Hospital Kitchen Staff

Those angels crafted the most amazing carb and sugar feast I have ever ingested, which was welcomed and required after months of gestational diabetes.

Ad failed to load

My Fellow Moms

GIPHY

Had it not been for a close clutch of fabulous mothers and mothers-to-be (not going to lie, largely via social media) I would not have felt nearly as confident going into the delivery room as I did. They gave me a wonderful community in which to I could express my fears, concerns, and questions without judgment.

My Mom, Grandma, And Great Grandma

Because having a child, in my experience, makes you appreciate what your foremothers went through to bring you into the world.

I also want to thank them for my genetically capable pelvis and ample hips.

Myself

Courtesy of Jamie Kenney

Because, listen guys: you're all great, but I'm not going to let you take too much credit for my glorious accomplishments.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

15 Baby Names With Unique Nicknames, So Your Family Has Options

I love a good diminutive name, also known as a nickname. I believe I’m partial to them because of my own name, Abigale, but I go by Abi. And since they’re both uniquely spelled, everyone thinks my name is pronounced Ah-bee for some reason — but even …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

The Entire Family Can Enjoy These Movies & Shows Coming To Netflix In June

It's just one of those sad facts of life: every month, shows and movies vanish from Netflix, their varied excitements no longer at your fingertips. But luckily the streaming service is always prepared to fill that content void with lots of new things…
By Megan Walsh

The Reason Why Babies Smile At You Will Seriously Make You Smile

Whether you're currently the recipient of your own baby's sweet smiles or you just seem to be a magnet for baby grins in general, you might find yourself wondering why babies are always smiling at you. Sure, you could be a 'smile whisperer' but scien…
By Kate Miller

8 Ways Your Baby Is Trying To Say That, Yes, You Are Their Favorite

For a baby to show a preference for a specific person is not only normal, but an essential part of their development. Babies need to form strong attachments to their caregivers for their emotional, social, and physical wellbeing. Usually, but not alw…
By Kimmie Fink

10 Reasons Why I Won't Apologize For Giving My Toddler A Pacifier

My first child had no interest in a pacifier. I tried a couple times to get him to take one, but he always spat them out and gave me an incredulous, judgmental look. But my second? It was love at first suckle. And after a while, the incredulous, judg…
By Jamie Kenney

Being A Dog Parent Prepared Me For Having A Baby, Really

I’ve always wanted kids; I was never as sure about raising a puppy. Then I spent six months living with someone who brought home an eight-week-old golden retriever puppy, and I see no way to make it out of that experience claiming not to love dogs. I…
By Heather Caplan

20 Of The Most Popular Unisex Names Of All Time, That You'll Be Hearing More Of For Sure

You might think of unisex names as a fairly recent trend, but the truth is these versatile monikers have been commonly used throughout history (well, some more commonly than others). That's why the team over at Names.org recently compiled a list of t…
By Jacqueline Burt Cote

How To Have A Date Night With No Babysitter, Because It's Easier Than You Think

After having children, many couples feel that their love lives immediately go out the window, but it's so important to make your romantic life a priority so both you and your partner can be the best versions of yourselves you can be. As we all know, …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

9 Ways Baby No. 3 Made My Family Feel Complete

My husband and I decided to have another baby right after we got married and, well, we had no idea what we were getting into. I got pregnant right away, endured a high-risk pregnancy, and, before I knew it, my third baby had arrived. Together, we emb…
By Steph Montgomery

8 Stereotypes About New Dads That Are *Totally* True

Much like new mothers, new fathers have a lot on their plate. Parenting can be scary and complex, especially at first and regardless of your gender. People want to do right by their kids, after all. And since all new parents are a hot mess, dads are …
By Priscilla Blossom

8 Differences Between Being Pregnant In Your 20s Vs 30s, According To Science

Whether you're planning a pregnancy, or just thinking about your future family, it's typical to think about things like child-spacing, how many kids you want, and when to start trying to conceive. When making your pro/con list, you might also conside…
By Steph Montgomery

16 Moms Share Remedies For Their Most Intense Chocolate Cravings During Pregnancy

For better or worse, pregnancy is usually synonymous with odd cravings. Sure, there are the stereotypical combos like pickles and ice cream that plague gestating women the world over, but there are other mind-boggling combinations, too, including but…
By Candace Ganger

Putting Sunscreen On Your Kid Doesn't Have To Be A Fight — Here's How To Do It

I am almost translucent, so me and sunscreen are basically besties at this point. Even though my children are beautifully deep brown thanks to my husband's genetics, I still slather them like biscuits being buttered because I refuse to take risks wit…
By Cat Bowen

19 Moms Share The Way They Cured Their Pregnancy Comfort Food Cravings

I was obnoxiously sick during the first trimester with, "lucky" for me, both of my pregnancies. For the first three months I lived on saltines, lemonade, and fresh bread. Once I was able to eat, however, all I wanted was savory and sweet comfort food…
By Dina Leygerman

I Used To Judge Formula-Feeding Moms — Until I Became One

The other patrons in the hip Brooklyn restaurant probably couldn’t care less what I was feeding my baby, but I’ll always remember the shame I felt as I quickly mixed up his bottle of formula in front of them. I admitted to my childless friend that I …
By Katherine Martinelli

7 White Lies It’s Necessary To Tell To Keep Your Relationship Healthy

Telling lots of lies typically isn't associated with a healthy, strong, lasting relationship, and that's still certainly true, but not all lies are exactly the same. Though you've probably heard from someone at least once or twice that the lie they t…
By Lauren Schumacker

The Skinny Jeans That Saved Me Postpartum

Accepting my post-pregnancy body is hands-down one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. It’s something that I still work on every single day. During my first pregnancy, I was 20 years old, so I managed to bounce back quickly. In fact, I dropp…
By Allison Cooper

7 Ways Your Baby Is Trying To Say They Feel Safe

In those first weeks of new motherhood, it can feel like you need an interpreter for your newborn. With their limited means of communication, figuring out what message your baby is trying to get across to you can be a challenge. With time, however, y…
By Kimmie Fink

Here's Why Dogs Are Obsessed With Babies' Poop, According To Science

Most family dogs seem to understand babies, and they're more than happy to make friends with the newest member of the pack. It's adorable... for the most part and until you go to change your little one's diaper. Suddenly, you're wondering why dogs ar…
By Lindsay E. Mack

6 Signs You're Meant To Have A Big Age Gap Between Kids

There's a five year age difference between my two children, to the day. Their age gap wasn't planned but, for a variety of reasons, works well for our family. And since I was so focused on having a second baby, I totally overlooked the signs that wou…
By Candace Ganger

My Dog Knew I Was Pregnant Before My Family Did

Growing up, I was 100 percent sure I'd be a mom one day. To a dog, that is. My baby plans came later. And once my husband and I were sure we wanted both a dog and a baby, we'd add to our joint dog-and-baby name list over Sunday brunch or on date nigh…
By Melissa Mills
)}