I used to be judgmental of parents who complained about their kids visiting them in the middle of the night. I said things like, "Well, you had kids. You shouldn't expect to stop being a parent when you go to bed." Then I had kids of my own, and, well, I honestly haven't enjoyed a full night's sleep since George Bush was president. I have also learned there are more than a few annoying things kids do when they sleep in your bed. And by annoying, I mean "seventh-circle-of-hell" level of torment that will keep you from enjoying a single, solitary second of sleep.
It starts off innocently enough. You have a restless baby who needs snuggles or, usually, another late-night feeding. But before you know it, your snuggly baby turns into a 40-pound, blanket-stealing toddler who constantly crawls into your bed, demanding to be held in a certain position which almost always involves an elbow or foot in your face. Then your toddler becomes a 9-year-old kid who needs you in the middle of the night for comfort, and in doing so will proceed to ask you about the meaning of life, tell you about their scary dream, or steal your damn spot when you get up to go to the bathroom. If you give in, you will be forced to listen to gross noises, smell gross smells, or deal with bodily fluids when you should be dreaming sweet dreams.
It's so tempting to just let your kid sleep in your bed, especially when you are way too tired to take them back to their room or engage in a debate about it; a debate that will undoubtably wake up one or more of your other children. But, it is also a trap. When your child sweetly asks if they can sleep with you, they have zero intention of sleeping at all. They will actually do some or all of the following bullsh*t, instead: