I used to be the kind of wife who told her husband everything. In fact, when we first got married I really felt like if I didn't tell my husband something that was bothering me, it was somehow failing our relationship. I've since learned that there's a lot of value in, sometimes, keeping my mouth shut. In fact, there are at least eight things I definitely don't tell my husband, and our marriage is more peaceful and stronger for it.
My partner and I got married when we were both in our mid-20s, so we didn't have much baggage coming into our marriage. Still, we told each other very little thing about our past relationships and sexual escapades. And when we tied the knot, I thought I had to tell him every last feeling or insult I thought he had caused or lobbed my way. That, my friends, was a terrible idea. It caused more arguments than we ever really needed to have, especially in the early days of our marriage, and I eventually realized that just because I decided not to fight a particular battle didn't mean I was losing it.
Now my husband knows most of what I do simply because our life is fairly simple. I don't really need to "cue him in," day and night, as we've found a groove and established a schedule that benefits everyone. But there are still things I don't bother to tell him, either because it's not worth the argument or because the world won't end if he never knows.
When He Buys Me A Terrible Gift
My husband either hits it out of the park, or chooses total duds when it comes to gifts. But I love the effort, so I almost always zip it when it comes to the duds. Plus, he never realizes when I take something back to return or exchange it. So no harm, no foul.
Past Boyfriends & Relationships
I always thought this was a prerequisite for relationships: to serve up every detail regarding your past dating life and who was involved in it. But my husband has never wanted to know or share anything that happened before we met one another, and that has been a really refreshing clean slate for our own relationship.
If those relationships don't need to be shared— and honestly, what gory details ever do need to be shared? — I say leave them in the past.
How Bananas I Think His Family Is
Sometimes it slips out, but for the most part I keep my mouth shut when it comes to my husband's extended family's dynamics. I didn't always know how to keep my observations to myself, but after 10 years of marriage I've realized that nothing good comes of pointing out the ridiculous.
How Much I Spend On The Kids' Clothes
Because the amount I spend on my children's wardrobes is pennies compared to the rest of our budget. Plus, I hate explaining myself and the nature of my purchases. Sharing finances, and just about everything else, is enough. I'll keep my little discretionary bank account for as long as I live, and our marriage will be happier for it.
That I Don't Care About All The Sports
He's probably noticed that I never remember who's playing for the Celtics anymore, or that I whip out my laptop the minute the Patriots are on, but if he hasn't I'm not going to explain it. My husband loves sports, and that's nice for him. So long as it doesn't interfere with our time as a family, I don't need to ruin it.
That His Job Is Definitely Easier Than Staying Home
I may allude to it, but I try to refrain from reminding my husband on the daily that wrangling two kids under 2 is infinitely more exhausting than sitting at a desk in a peaceful office all day long. It doesn't make my day easier, and he doesn't fully agree, so I just leave it alone.
What I Tell My Mom Friends
I know he's curious, especially when I return from a moms' hang out and I look absolutely euphoric. But what I share with my mom friends — about my marriage, our parenting, our kids— are things he doesn't need to know, He's my partner, they're my friends, and our relationships are different for a reason.
When I Don't Love The Dinner He Makes
My husband loves to make things like salads and baked sweet potatoes, and that's all well and healthy. But I don't always want healthy, especially after a long day of wrangling small humans. No, sometimes I want something more along the lines of comfort food. Scratch that, I always want comfort food. Skip the lettuce, add more cheese.
The simple reason I don't complain? Because I didn't have to make it.
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