Do you ever feel like other parents do things so well (or so terribly) that it just makes things harder for you and your kids? I mean, when you sit down to think about it, there are a whole lot of things other parents are ruining for the rest of us. And if you are one of those parents ruining it for the rest of us, there's still time to cease and desist! No, really! You can do it! It's not too late!
I have one mom friend who excels at the whole "knowing exactly what babies need and what activities they can be in from what age" thing. She always has the best sippy cups or the best kids' clothes and her daughter always seems to be reciting some new song from their music group. Meanwhile, my kid is using a mismatched take-and-toss cup that's been through the dishwasher one too many times, and I'm struggling to remember if there's possibly a second verse to any of the (very short, in my opinion) children's songs I manage to recite whenever I feel guilty.
I blame social media for most of these problems, because I wish I didn't know what every other mom was incorporating in her child's beautiful bento-box lunch that I saw in that perfectly shot and styled Instagram post. And one day I'm really not going to want my kid to see what their friends got from the tooth fairy while I'm still trying to eke out $1.00 and a bar of chocolate. So to all those perfect parents out there, can you please stop ruining it for the rest of us by doing any of the following:
They Enroll Their Babies In All The Activities
There's a lot to be said for educational activities for your kids, but when you take your 6-month-old, oblivious baby to music class you're just making me look bad! My 2-year-old daughter's swimming skills are probably subpar and she's definitely already behind at yoga and tennis.
I jest, of course, but seriously: your kid and all those advanced activities are giving me all the guilt.
They Let Their Kids Defy Gravity At The Playground
Why, oh why, do you have to let your kid do the most dangerous thing one could ever imagine a child doing at the playground two feet away from my very much younger child who will now try that most dangerous thing every single time we go to this playground. Why no one told me that playgrounds are the least restful place to be as a parent, I'm not sure.
They Post Perfect Instagram Photos
But really, who has time to make all their Instagram photos of their perfect kid and their perfect family look so perfectly good? I can barely manage to post a grainy picture of my kid without food on her face, while you're clearly using a DLSR with one of those high-tech card thingies that zips photos right to your phone. That or you've hired a photographer to follow your family around all day, every day, just to get Instagram photos.
They Don't Believe In Vaccinations
It's not even anti-vaxxers that are ruining it for the rest of us (although of course, they really are), it's the anti-vaxxers who post completely unfounded unscientific gibberish links on Facebook to support their cause and shame other parents into worrying about vaccinations. This is why we can't have nice things.
They Create Perfect School Lunches
My kid used to think crackers with peanut butter smeared on them were "treats." But now, at the ripe old age of 2, she knows that those peanut butter crackers are not, in fact, treats. She knows that "real treats" come in shiny packaging with a ridiculously expensive price tag, thanks to that one kid who sat next to her at lunch today and showed off all his little tiny individually packed organic snacks that he wasn't even old enough to figure out how to open. Ugh.
They Gift Their Children Extravagant Easter Baskets
Since when did Easter baskets become glorified Christmas stockings? In fact, when did Christmas stockings hold more trinkets than the amount of gifts I received as a child? I mean, can we cool it with the presents, people?
They Go All Out With The Tooth Fairy
I am terrified of the day when my daughter loses her first tooth, because by that time I'll have to shell out $100.00 and an iPhone to keep up with the Joneses.
They Post Perfect Family Photo Shoots
When I got a peek at our family photos the other day, easily half of them involve my toddler smashing my hair over my face and cackling like a lunatic. How on Earth does everyone else manage to be glowing and exuding family unity and happiness while my family looks like a hot mess?
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