My postpartum depression came on suddenly. Most of the time I didn't feel sad, I just felt tired and empty, like a dark cloud was looming over my head. I couldn't sleep when I seriously needed to, and I had horrible headaches and body aches. Even though I didn't know I was depressed, my body tried to tell me I had postpartum depression.
Some of my symptoms seemed like "normal" postpartum experiences. Sure, I was tired all of the time, but what new mom isn't, right? When I tried to sleep I couldn't,though, and even when my baby was sleeping. Then again, all moms stare at their sleeping newborns, right? I hurt all over, but I had no idea that this wasn't just normal postpartum pain. I mean, I had just grown a human in my body. That's a pretty huge thing, so of course a little pain was normal. Wasn't it? I just couldn't bring myself to eat, and when I did I felt nauseated, but since I had been nauseated throughout my pregnancy I thought my body was taking a little bit longer to adjust to post-pregnancy life.
Then the headaches and the panic attacks started, which, for me, were periods when my heart would race and feel like my entire body was going to explode. It wasn't until I went to my 6-week postpartum visit that my midwife put all of these symptoms together and diagnosed me with postpartum depression. I wish I would have listened to what my body was telling me and called her sooner, because once I started treatment the cloud lifted and I started to feel like me again.