Teodor Lazarev/Fotolia

9 Things Every Mom Wants Her Long-Distance Best Friend To Know

By
Share
Ad failed to load

My oldest friend lives several states away and, if I’m lucky, I get to see her a few days a year when she comes up north for her family vacation at the lake where both our parents have houses (and where we met at age 13). In between visit we don’t talk much, since we both have two kids and full-time jobs and our own local communities to care for. So there are some things I'd like my long-distance best friend to know, since I don’t often get a chance to tell her in person, or even on the phone (did I mention we both have kids?).

While I have several very good friends, they each speak to a different part of me. My long-distance friend is the one who not only knows me so well, but knows my parents, and my brother, and everyone I have ever dated. Our friendship covers our life histories in ways that will always bond us, even if we go months without significant contact.

I think there is some truth to the phrase “out of sight, out of mind,” but in the case of the people who mean the most to you, I feel like “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is a more accurate notion. So with that in mind, here are some things every mom probably wants her long-distance best friend to know:

Ad failed to load

Your Texts Are Saving My Life

Giphy

I rant and she gets it. Or I just send a “WTF” message and she comes back with the perfect response. Even when she’s hundreds of miles away, I know I'm not alone. I know she hears me, even when it’s radio silence for a while because #kids.

You Know My Kid Best Because You Know Me

Even though she’s only spent a few hours here and there with my kids over the years, and as our vacations overlapped, I know my best friend knows my kids so well because she knows me so well. When you kind of grow up with someone, that person is tuned in to your own anxieties and fears and tendencies, all which show up in my kids in a variety of ways (both good and bad). She when my kids are acting like total brats, I know she’s not judging me.

If I Don’t Text Back Right Away, It’s Because I Fell Asleep While Typing....

Giphy

I probably don’t have to say it, but I do want my bestie to realize that I’m not ignoring her texts or calls. I’m just parenting, which means I’m exhausted, and even though I have every intention of typing out a response to her message when I’m nursing my baby at 2:00 a.m. on the couch, my brain may have other plans.

Ad failed to load

… Or My Kid Hid My Phone

Now that I’m a mom of a tween, smartphones are coveted items in our household. My partner and I have not allowed our 10-year-old daughter to have her own device, so she messages her friends from mine (and yes, that gives me permission to read all her texts). And that means I am constantly yelling: “Where is my phone?”

That definitely contributes to my delayed response time, to both my best friend and the rest of the world.

We’re Running Away To Hawaii Tomorrow, Right?

Giphy

Even though this is never going to happen, I want my long distance best pal to know how much it comforts me when she naturally handles my parenting freak-outs. There are times, and I do not think I am unique in feeling this way, when I just want to escape my family. It’s when my kids declare, loudly, that they hate me for not allowing them more screen time. Or when they act like it’s the biggest deal ever that they have to brush their teeth before bed.

Motherhood has limits, and we don’t often admit that. Sometimes we have to walk away. I put myself in a time-out when I feel a scream (or worse) is about to erupt from my body in the direction of my children. And, yes, I do fantasize about running away to Hawaii with my best friend to a no-kids-allowed resort. I just love the idea of being with the person I can do totally nothing with, and it being OK.

I Seriously Might Take You Up On That Offer To Hide In Your Guest Room

If not Hawaii, then I’ll take her spare room. Or her basement. Or a sleeping bag on her living room floor. I am so grateful to have an out-of-town friend whose door is always open to me for whenever I need her.

Ad failed to load

I Still Have That Birthday Card I Was Going To Send You Last Year

Giphy

I have many cards to send her… dating back a decade, when my first child was born. But she doesn’t take it personally. Even when all I can muster is a birthday cake emoji on her special day, she knows it’s not because I have no love. I just have no time, or a free hand.

I Have Seven Bags Of Clothes For Your Daughter That I Swear I’ll Get To You

And I swear I’ll do my best to get them to you for your little girl before she outgrows these hand-me-downs. (But we both know how unlikely that will be.)

I Hope My Kid Finds A BFF Like You

Giphy

Whenever my daughter breaks down in tears over some friend issue she’s having (par for the course for fifth graders), I remind her that friendships can be cyclical. Sometimes people feel like they’re your best friends, and sometimes they don’t. This will happen with many different friends, many times over.

But there will always be one or two who, over time, you realize are “your people.” At some point, you will be wise enough to know that it’s quality over quantity. Despite what social media tells us, it’s not how many friends you have that make you happy; it’s the depth and strength of your friendships that feed your soul.

So my only wish when it comes to my kids’ friends is that I hope they can find “their person,” like I have in my long-distance BFF.

Check out Romper's new video series, Bearing The Motherload, where disagreeing parents from different sides of an issue sit down with a mediator and talk about how to support (and not judge) each other’s parenting perspectives. New episodes air Mondays on Facebook.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

10 Reasons Why I Won't Apologize For Giving My Toddler A Pacifier

My first child had no interest in a pacifier. I tried a couple times to get him to take one, but he always spat them out and gave me an incredulous, judgmental look. But my second? It was love at first suckle. And after a while, the incredulous, judg…
By Jamie Kenney

Being A Dog Parent Prepared Me For Having A Baby, Really

I’ve always wanted kids; I was never as sure about raising a puppy. Then I spent six months living with someone who brought home an eight-week-old golden retriever puppy, and I see no way to make it out of that experience claiming not to love dogs. I…
By Heather Caplan

20 Of The Most Popular Unisex Names Of All Time, That You'll Be Hearing More Of For Sure

You might think of unisex names as a fairly recent trend, but the truth is these versatile monikers have been commonly used throughout history (well, some more commonly than others). That's why the team over at Names.org recently compiled a list of t…
By Jacqueline Burt Cote

How To Have A Date Night With No Babysitter, Because It's Easier Than You Think

After having children, many couples feel that their love lives immediately go out the window, but it's so important to make your romantic life a priority so both you and your partner can be the best versions of yourselves you can be. As we all know, …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

9 Ways Baby No. 3 Made My Family Feel Complete

My husband and I decided to have another baby right after we got married and, well, we had no idea what we were getting into. I got pregnant right away, endured a high-risk pregnancy, and, before I knew it, my third baby had arrived. Together, we emb…
By Steph Montgomery

8 Stereotypes About New Dads That Are *Totally* True

Much like new mothers, new fathers have a lot on their plate. Parenting can be scary and complex, especially at first and regardless of your gender. People want to do right by their kids, after all. And since all new parents are a hot mess, dads are …
By Priscilla Blossom

8 Differences Between Being Pregnant In Your 20s Vs 30s, According To Science

Whether you're planning a pregnancy, or just thinking about your future family, it's typical to think about things like child-spacing, how many kids you want, and when to start trying to conceive. When making your pro/con list, you might also conside…
By Steph Montgomery

16 Moms Share Remedies For Their Most Intense Chocolate Cravings During Pregnancy

For better or worse, pregnancy is usually synonymous with odd cravings. Sure, there are the stereotypical combos like pickles and ice cream that plague gestating women the world over, but there are other mind-boggling combinations, too, including but…
By Candace Ganger

Putting Sunscreen On Your Kid Doesn't Have To Be A Fight — Here's How To Do It

I am almost translucent, so me and sunscreen are basically besties at this point. Even though my children are beautifully deep brown thanks to my husband's genetics, I still slather them like biscuits being buttered because I refuse to take risks wit…
By Cat Bowen

7 Things A Mom Really Means When She Says She Doesn't Want Anything On Mother's Day

Every year my family asks me what I want for Mother's Day, and every single year I tell them the same thing: Nothing. So, by now, they know that when I say "nothing" I absolutely do not mean "nothing." In fact, there are more than a few things a mom …
By Candace Ganger

19 Moms Share The Way They Cured Their Pregnancy Comfort Food Cravings

I was obnoxiously sick during the first trimester with, "lucky" for me, both of my pregnancies. For the first three months I lived on saltines, lemonade, and fresh bread. Once I was able to eat, however, all I wanted was savory and sweet comfort food…
By Dina Leygerman

8 Fascinating Facts About Babies Born In May, The Luckiest Month Of All

The height of all things fresh and springy, May is an excellent month to have a baby. It's a time of growth, graduations, and outdoor celebrations. And these fascinating facts about May babies will give you more reasons than ever to appreciate childr…
By Lindsay E. Mack

I Used To Judge Formula-Feeding Moms — Until I Became One

The other patrons in the hip Brooklyn restaurant probably couldn’t care less what I was feeding my baby, but I’ll always remember the shame I felt as I quickly mixed up his bottle of formula in front of them. I admitted to my childless friend that I …
By Katherine Martinelli

7 White Lies It’s Necessary To Tell To Keep Your Relationship Healthy

Telling lots of lies typically isn't associated with a healthy, strong, lasting relationship, and that's still certainly true, but not all lies are exactly the same. Though you've probably heard from someone at least once or twice that the lie they t…
By Lauren Schumacker

The Skinny Jeans That Saved Me Postpartum

Accepting my post-pregnancy body is hands-down one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. It’s something that I still work on every single day. During my first pregnancy, I was 20 years old, so I managed to bounce back quickly. In fact, I dropp…
By Allison Cooper

7 Ways Your Baby Is Trying To Say They Feel Safe

In those first weeks of new motherhood, it can feel like you need an interpreter for your newborn. With their limited means of communication, figuring out what message your baby is trying to get across to you can be a challenge. With time, however, y…
By Kimmie Fink

Here's Why Dogs Are Obsessed With Babies' Poop, According To Science

Most family dogs seem to understand babies, and they're more than happy to make friends with the newest member of the pack. It's adorable... for the most part and until you go to change your little one's diaper. Suddenly, you're wondering why dogs ar…
By Lindsay E. Mack

6 Signs You're Meant To Have A Big Age Gap Between Kids

There's a five year age difference between my two children, to the day. Their age gap wasn't planned but, for a variety of reasons, works well for our family. And since I was so focused on having a second baby, I totally overlooked the signs that wou…
By Candace Ganger

Here's How To Introduce Your Pet To Your Baby & Make Everything As Calm As Possible

Our home, which we lovingly refer to as “the funny farm,” is filled with four-legged family members. We have two crazy beagles and two cat jerks, and boy are they loved and spoiled. (As they should be.) But we are now finally having a baby of our own…
By Abi Berwager Schreier

Here's The Right Birth Method For You, According To Your Zodiac Sign

If you're pregnant, you've probably given childbirth some serious thought. Some moms-to-be prepare a meticulous birth plan, while others are comfortable just going with the flow. And me? Well, I made a plan... but that plan was useless when faced wit…
By Steph Montgomery

My Dog Knew I Was Pregnant Before My Family Did

Growing up, I was 100 percent sure I'd be a mom one day. To a dog, that is. My baby plans came later. And once my husband and I were sure we wanted both a dog and a baby, we'd add to our joint dog-and-baby name list over Sunday brunch or on date nigh…
By Melissa Mills
)}