9 Ways Childbirth Changed How I Felt About My Sexuality

Ad failed to load

I knew becoming a mother would change me. But that knowledge didn't adequately prepare me for all the ways childbirth would change me, too. It changed my body, my brain, my priorities, and how I viewed myself as a human being. And while those changes were all significant in a variety of ways, I wasn't entirely surprised by them. I was, however, surprised when I realized that childbirth changed how I felt about my sexuality, too. That, my friends, was unexpected.

I guess I never really thought about sex after kids until I, you know, had to. After all, society sort of expects moms to not be sexual. Whenever a celebrity mom posts sexy pictures on Instagram, admits to liking sex, or has more than one sexual partner, a large amount of people have the tendency to slut-shame the hell out of her. The reoccurring theme is: "Put some clothes on, you're someone's mother!" According to our culture, moms shouldn't be sexy. And as a result of that message, no one discusses postpartum sex or the ways a mom's sexuality can change after birth.

I wish I had known then what I know now, because full disclosure? I'm having some amazing postpartum orgasms. Perhaps more importantly, I have started to feel really empowered by what my amazing body had done. Now, I am not saying that I love my postpartum body, because sometimes I really don't. And I won't even pretend like I have the time or energy to have sex as often as I'd like. But for me, being a mom is inherently sexy, and childbirth changed the way I feel about my sexuality in so many ways, including the following:

Ad failed to load

I Don't Have To Feel Sexy All The Time


The first few months after giving birth did a number on my self-esteem. It didn't look the same, feel the same, and my body didn't work the way it used to. I didn't feel good, let alone sexy, and I honestly didn't care if I ever had sex again. It caused some serious tension in my marriage, but I also realized that I don't have to feel sexy all the time. I have worth outside of my sexuality, and childbirth made me realize that "sexy" isn't the only thing I bring to the table.

I Deserve To Get In Touch With Myself

After my physical recovery (which took a lot longer than the stereotypical six week wait, let me tell you), it took a bit to get my groove back. I wondered if I would be able to reach orgasm with my partner, but at the same time, I worried that he wouldn't find me attractive. So, I took matters into my own hands. Masturbation allowed me to explore my new body without the stress of performing for someone else.

It's OK To Get Creative


Once I was ready to give postpartum sex a try, it seemed like our baby had a special ability to wake up as soon as we started. As a result, my partner and I had to get creative in order to find time for sex, and that creativity actually helped me get in touch with my sexuality postpartum. There's nothing with exploring and trying new things.

Ad failed to load

I Don't Always Have To Orgasm

So, yeah, postpartum sex didn't always mean orgasms for me. I consider myself lucky that my current partner is patient and attentive to my needs in that department. But I'm also thankful that I learned how great sex can be sans orgasm, and how working towards that goal of finishing could make me feel more in touch with my body and closure to my partner.

Plus, once I could orgasm, I found out that postpartum orgasms are amazing.

My Body's Appearance Doesn't Define My Sexuality


My body is different now that I've had children. I know that I will never look the same as I did before I became a mother. I am slowly starting to not only be OK with that, but actually feel pretty badass as the result of the changes my body has been through. I don't think the differences I notice interfere with feeling sexy. My body literally grew humans. That is pretty much the most amazing thing ever.

Procreation Doesn't Keep Me From Being Sexy

Unfortunately, since I got my groove back, I have found that most people don't think I should feel sexy as a mom. That's their problem, though, because procreation hasn't impacted my ability to enjoy sex or feel sexy.

Ad failed to load

I Will Always Be Sexual


Childbirth, especially with my youngest baby, made me feel strong, sexy, and confident. I have definitely reached a point in my life when I feel sexy and want sex way more often than I actually have the time or energy to have it. Being a mom doesn't mean I stop liking, or wanting, sex.

My Sexual Preferences Can Change

I also have found myself to be way more in touch with my body and my sexual needs than before I had kids. Now, I like different things, and am somehow more confident and better able to ask for what I need and tell my partner what I like (and don't like).

Sex Should Never Be A Chore


While there's definitely a time and place for maintenance sex, for the most part I now view sex as something my partner and I do for fun, enjoyment, pleasure, and intimacy, and not just something we are "supposed" to do.

Watch Romper's new video series, Romper's Doula Diaries:

Check out the entire Romper's Doula Diaries series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

6 Early Signs You're Going To Have A Short Labor, According To Experts

As far as I'm concerned, a short labor is right up there with winning the lottery in terms of lucky life events. (And when I was actually in labor, I would absolutely have traded a bucketful of lottery winnings for a speedier birth.) While some women…
By Kelly Mullen-McWilliams

Kids Will Love These TV Shows & Movies Coming To Netflix In March

You can always count on Netflix to keep it fresh: though there are already so many movies and shows to choose from, every month there's an influx of new content to keep your entire family entertained. As February enters its final weeks, it's time to …
By Megan Walsh

Here Are 10 Ways To Boost Your Baby's Immunity To The Flu

As I'm sure you've read in the thousands upon thousands of articles written about it this winter, the flu is spreading like wildfire and it's bad. Really bad. This strand of flu is the worst we've had in a very long time and it's the most widespread,…
By Abi Berwager Schreier

Khloé Kardashian Asked Twitter About Her Bump, & Moms Totally Delivered

Like her younger sister Kylie Jenner, Khloé Kardashian managed to keep most of her pregnancy a sort-of secret. But unlike Jenner, Kardashian chose to publicly announce her pregnancy several months before the baby's due date. While there's no wrong wa…
By Sophie Hirsh

21 Moms Share The Most Surprising Part About Having A C-Section

Honestly, I don't think we, as a culture, talk about C-sections nearly enough, especially considering so many mothers experience them. And because of a number of factors, the little we do talk about it always seems to be a familiar narrative: "It's n…
By Jamie Kenney

13 Yummy Instant Pot Recipes To Make Under 30 Minutes

An Instant Pot seems to be the must-have appliance in every kitchen these days. If you are anything like me and never knew the beauty of a Instant Pot, you are about to have your life changed. Basically, you put some ingredients into a pot, set the t…
By Kristin Manna

9 Things The First Six Months Of Motherhood Will Teach You About Your Baby

Personally, the first six months of motherhood was a mixed bag. I learned some harsh lessons about myself that made taking care of my baby seem overwhelming. For example, I was clueless, and no amount of research could help me feel like anything but …
By Steph Montgomery

11 Photos You *Must* Take During The Last Days Of Your Pregnancy

During my first pregnancy, I took a photo each week to document my growing belly. I stopped around 36 weeks, though. I hated how I looked in those pictures, and didn't think I'd want to relive those moments. I was wrong. My second pregnancy was a dum…
By Steph Montgomery

6 Red Flags To Definitely Look Out For After Your Baby Falls

The first time my infant son tried to take a few steps, he tumbled and bumped his head on the coffee table. My blood turned to ice in my veins and I froze. There truly isn't anything quite like the feeling a parent gets when their little one gets hur…
By Sarah Bunton

These 9 Instant Pot Recipes Will Make Even The Pickiest Eater Happy At The Table

Like any parent, I've had my share of parenting hits and misses, but one of my favorite "wins" is my daughter's diverse palate. I don't even know if I can take credit for it, but I would like to think I had something to do with her love for lentils, …
By Caroline Shannon-Karasik

Turns Out, Kim Kardashian's Favorite Mom Products Look A Lot Like Your Own Faves

Being a mom is really hard work, especially for the first few months, and Kim Kardashian West is no different in that regard. Now the mother of three, Kardashian says that there are a few products she just can't live without when it comes to raising …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

10 Things No One Tells You About Having A Baby In Your 30s

If you're like me, you evaluate the pros and cons of any major life decision. When my husband and I were considering starting a family, I thought about my career, education, and financial stability. I wanted to know how a pregnancy and childbirth wou…
By Steph Montgomery

Soda Might Hurt Your Fertility, Study Says, & Here's What You Can Do

Who doesn't love sugary drinks? I stopped drinking soda years ago, but I still love gulping down those fancy Starbucks coffee beverages. I don't have a big sweet tooth, but I am a sucker for sugar-sweetened beverages every now-and-then. Turns out, th…
By Annamarya Scaccia

5 Red Flags Your Toddler Isn't Eating Enough

Toddlers are notoriously picky eaters, at least in my experience. You offer mashed potatoes, they want french fries. You give them crackers, they scream for chips. It's frustrating, to be sure, but it's usually their way of vying for independence. It…
By Candace Ganger

35 Moms Share The Most Disgusting Things Their Husbands Do

I'm a human being who revels in challenges. I like when people present me with one, especially if they don't think I can meet or succeed it, and I like taking a challenge on, especially if it's unexpected. So when I aimed to uncover the most disgusti…
By Jamie Kenney

How Having Kids In Your 20s Affects You Later In Life

For parents, like myself, who had kids in their 20s, there are a number of questions that come to mind. When you're deciding what your future will look like, you'll likely consider what this means for your health, career, and more down the line. Thin…
By Tessa Shull

Study: Drinking Two Glasses Of Wine A Day Is Good For Your Mind — Here's Why

There’s more scientific proof that a daily drink or two isn't necessarily a bad thing and could have a place in an overall healthy lifestyle. A new study out of the University of Rochester Medical Center (URMC) in New York found that — in mice, at le…
By Tiffany Thomas

Research Says Eating Carbs Can Lead To A Healthy Pregnancy, So Bring On The Pasta

In the world of me, no food is better than bread. I know it's supposed to be pretty terrible for you, high in calories, low in protein, and full of that modern-day demon, gluten... but guys, it's really yummy. Especially warm out of the oven, when th…
By Jen McGuire

These Photos Of Prince George Then & Now Will Give You Serious Baby Fever

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are expecting their third child in Spring 2018. With all of the excitement surrounding the new baby, it's easy to forget all of the good times that have already passed. The couple's eldest is already well into the sc…
By Azure Hall

This Is, Hands Down, The *Grossest* Thing Babies Do Inside The Womb

Your baby's life in the womb may be safe and warm, but it's also kind of grody. Seriously, the whole process of growing into a human being includes more than a few icky moments along the way. But this is the grossest thing babies do inside the womb b…
By Lindsay E. Mack