The sun is shining and stock photo mom is up and at 'em! Snooze alarm? Surely you jest. She's rested after eight solid hours of sleep. Stock photo mom will have shampooed, dried, and styled her luscious long blonde hair (stock photo mom is white... duh) all before her kids can say, "Mommy!" She doesn't know anything about this "messy bun" of which you speak.

Stock photo mom loves to intermittently wrestle and snuggle her sweet children with nary a hair out of place. Her beloved progeny would never pee on her comforter (white — what else?) or vomit directly into her mouth.

Stock photo mom doesn't even own a microwave because she doesn't have to reheat her latte. Her kids pour their own cereal and sit quietly at the dining room table while mom enjoys her cup of joe and a quick scroll through social media. In fact, she can even sit with her little cherub on her lap, hot cup of coffee within a tiny arm's reach, and all is well in the world. She doesn't have to worry about spills! Instead, she can just give Facebook her full attention. That Carol posts the best memes!

Did I mention that stock photo mom has a side hustle in addition to her stay-at-home mom duties? It's not a problem, though. She can type 65 words per minute one-handed with an infant on her lap. Who needs sleep, right?

Before she went to bed last night, stock photo mom prepared eight buckets of rainbow ooblek. Her toddler entertained herself for an hour and cleaned up the mess. There's a fleck of goo in stock photo mom's hair, but it's charming in a "devil may care" kind of way.

Stock photo mom is fit, y'all. She's a master yogini whose kids love to practice tree pose on their own mini sticky mats. When she's done, she'll head out for a run with her state of the art jogging stroller and not break a sweat! She just doesn't understand how you could not lose the baby weight.

Peanut butter and jelly is for amateurs, and stock photo mom's parenting level is most definitely expert. Every day is a new opportunity for creativity and healthy eating. Her kids never refuse the food she prepares. I mean, who doesn't love a banana dressed as a Minion?

Stock photo mom would never dream of eating a sandwich. That's for the kids. She's on a diet, you guys. And there's just something about leafy greens that gives her a real case of the giggles.

Oh, you like stock photo mom's pompom rug? She made it. Using a cardboard loom that she harvested from the Amazon Prime subscription box you threw out.

It could be a visit to the park or the library, but stock photo mom always makes it out of the house with the kids at least once a day. She even knows how to make a trip to the grocery store exciting. Just look at her children's faces as they lovingly place the organic pickles in the cart.

Stock photo mom gives her toddler a sharp knife and a fistful of flour. What could possibly go wrong? Nothing, that's what, and the finished product will be both delicious and Insta-worthy. After a laughter-filled dinner, she hardly notices it's almost bedtime.

Stock photo family loves to climb into the teepee (stock photo mom is unfamiliar with cultural appropriation) lined with hanging lanterns for a nightly bedtime story. After brushing their pearly whites, she kisses those beautiful faces, knowing she won't see them again until tomorrow morning. Stock photo mom is wistful.

Stock photo mom never has a headache. Enough said.

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