How To Turn Naming Your Baby Into A Drinking Game For Your Friends
Many of us know that the transition from all-night parties to all-day Elmo can be a bit of a shock. Not only for us, the parents whose former lives were all about dancing, dive bars, and drunk texts, but for our friends who are still living large without kids. When we announced our new ventures into the realm of parenthood to them, they laughed, believing it was a joke. Then they gave us that glazed over look that said, “Really? You’re having a baby?” Which we can’t blame them for since we always swore to never have kids or get married (but hey, sometimes things change!)
Once it comes time to do the standard “mom” things like register for baby gifts, choose a baby name, and plan a baby shower, your old friends may feel a bit like fish out of water. Conversations that used to be about who you hooked up with last, what ex you randomly found on Tinder, or where you guys should all go on vacation next summer, start to transition over to one-sided monologues about how much time to take off work after the baby is here, which baby bottles are best, or whether or not to use a pacifier, while your friends take naps with their eyes open. And hey, that’s OK! You're having a baby – it's going to be all about you for a while. It's cool. Balance will return eventually. For now, we’ve found a new way to incorporate the old party lifestyle with the new parenting way of life, and by the end of it you’ll either be trashed or pregnant with a new baby name! Ideally, a little of both.
Here Are The Rules:
Each player starts off with one full drink to play with — beer, booze, maybe a low-sugar mocktail for whoever’s pregnant.
On the table are 10 shots — whiskey, tequila, vodka; pick yer poison — as well as one tall liquor drink which we’ll call the Baby Bottle.
Everyone playing has to come up with 10 baby names they think you might name your kid, while you (parent-to-be) writes down 10 baby names you’re considering. Each name should specify if it's meant for a girl, boy, or either (not because gendering things is especially necessary, but because it comes into play later in the game).
Put all these names on scraps of paper, and throw 'em in a bowl, because this is America, and that's how it goes.
The game starts with the mom-to-be pulling a name from the bowl, and continues in a clockwise circle from there. (The mom-to-be is hopefully not drinking booze, but you didn't need me to tell you that. She can drink... I don't know... something boring. No one said pregnancy was fun.) If the name you pick falls into any of the categories below, follow the instructions listed.
Some categories can get you bonus drunk! So that's awesome. For example, if you chose a name from a TV show, there are additional instructions if the character is from a certain show.
Once all the names have been pulled, and everyone’s completed the rule and bonus drinks, each person shares what names were on their original list. If two or more people had any names in common, those people all have to take a shot now. If anyone has any names in common with the mom-to-be, that person has to go get her a snack of her choosing (reminder: she's been dealing your drunk asses all night) as long as it doesn't involve driving anywhere to get it. (Don't let your drunk friends drive a car, Mom. That's not great parenting.)
Now for the categories. Here's what you do if you pull a name from the bowl that is...
A Pop-Culture Icon: 2 Sips
- If the name is someone who can be recognized by a single name (e.g., Madonna, Prince, Beyoncé)
- If it's a Kardashian, take a shot from the Baby Bottle
- If it’s the name of a celeb baby, take a swig from the drink of the youngest person in the room
A TV Show Character: Drink For 4 Seconds
- If it’s a character from Game of Thrones, take a shot from the Baby Bottle
- If the character is dead, take 3 shots from the Baby Bottle and lose the game. (You might want to yell "SPOILER ALERT" before doing this.)
- If it’s a character from a TV show from the '90s, take a sip from the drink of the oldest person in the room
- If the character is from a show you can currently binge on Netflix, have someone turn the show on and drink steadily for the duration of the theme song
A Name That F*cks With Gender Rules: 3 Sips
- If it is a name traditionally assigned to a different gender, take a swig from the cup of everyone who is not of your same gender
- If it's a gender neutral name, take a shot from the Baby Bottle
A Disney Character: Take A Shot
- If it’s not the name of a Disney princess, drink for 3 seconds
- If it is the name of a Disney princess, drink for 5 seconds
- If it’s "Elsa" take 3 shots from the Baby Bottle and lose the game
The Name Of A Geographical Place: Drink For 5 Seconds
- If it's the name of a state, find someone in the group from that state (or who has at least visited) and let them take a drink from your cup
- If it’s the name of a city, find someone in the group from that city (or who has at least visited) and take a drink from their cup
A Literary Character: 3 Sips
- If it’s the name of a Harry Potter character, drink for 5 seconds
- If it’s a Shakespeare character, drink for 10 seconds
- If it’s a character from a Bronte sisters book, drink for 15 seconds
- If it’s from Twilight or 50 Shades of Gray, take 2 shots from the Baby Bottle and lose the game (go outside with the "Elsa" person)
The Name Of One Of The Parents: Take A Shot
- If it’s the parent’s middle name, drink for 3 seconds
- If it’s the parent’s nickname, drink for 9 seconds
Something Not Traditionally Considered A Person’s Name: 5 Sips
- If it’s a number, drink for however many seconds the number is (Naming your kid "Seven," Seinfeld fan? Drink for seven seconds)
- If it’s a food item, see if you can find the food item in the host’s kitchen. Otherwise, drink for 5 seconds.
- If it’s a color, swap drinks with someone wearing that color for the next 2 rounds
A Movie Character: Drink For 6 Seconds
- If it’s from the Hunger Games, take someone else’s drink (they can get a new drink the next round)
- If it’s from Lord of the Rings, drink for 7 seconds
- If it’s from an '80s movie, drink for 10 seconds
- If it’s a movie by John Hughes, drink for 25 seconds
- If it’s from Star Wars, take a shot from the Baby Bottle
- If it’s from the original trilogy, take 3 shots from the Baby Bottle and lose the game
Something Spiritual Or Religious: Sip For 5 Seconds While Everyone Sits In Revered Silence
- If it’s Biblical, switch to drinking water or wine for the next 2 rounds
- If it’s from mythology, take someone else’s drink (they can get a new drink the next round)
- If it’s a term you’d hear in yoga class, do a standing yoga pose for 5 seconds. If you fall, you lose the game.