Before I had kids, I had such high hopes for motherhood. I was going to breastfeed, only feed my kids organic produce, lose the baby weight right away, resume climbing the career ladder at work, and become President of the PTA. Spoiler alert: none of those things happened. My internal monologue was pretty hilarious in the beginning, vacillating from vaguely hopeful and encouraging to "WTF did I just do?" So if there's a list of things every hot mess mom thinks during that damn newborn phase, trust me when I say I thought them all.
I think my main problem was having so many plans for maternity leave to begin with. I wasn't able to keep up in order to meet the goals I had set for myself when I was pregnant, and, as a result, constantly felt like a major screw up. When reality doesn't meet your expectations, things get bad. It's the worst, and to make matters worse, you are trying to meet these bullsh*t expectations after growing and/or meeting a tiny, helpless stranger, and trying to figure out how to keep them alive with no sleep and waning confidence.
My internal monologue went something like this:
Me: I am going to get a sh*t ton of things done today.
Narrator: She would not, in fact, get a sh*t ton of things done.
Me: That's OK, I can do it tomorrow.
Narrator: She would not get anything done tomorrow, either.
Me: I should try on my pre-pregnancy jeans, it's not a big deal if they don't fit.
Narrator: It actually was a big deal that they didn't fit.
Me: What's the worst that can happen?
Narrator: Seriously, girl, you don't want to know.
See? You get the idea.
So, I learned early on that I wasn't destined to be a perfect mom. Fortunately, I also figured out that I am way happier as a hot mess mom than I ever was when I was trying to be perfect. I have to laugh (to keep from crying) when I think about all of the things I thought as a hot mess mom during the newborn phase, including the following: