Your Parenting Style According To Halloween Monsters
Halloween is generally considered a "kid holiday," but that doesn't mean moms have to miss out on all the fun. Go wild, moms! Eat all the candy! Put up all the decorations! And while you're at it, dress up as the Halloween monster that best represents your parenting style. Really lean is this year, ladies.
Truth be told, monsters and moms have a lot in common. We're both powerful, often magical, and even more often misunderstood. A lot of people like to project their own issues onto both of us, making us out to be larger than life symbols rather than well-rounded characters and the heroes in our own stories. And, like many monsters, us moms are just doing our best.
I mean, how many monster movies begin with some meddlesome archaeologist stealing something that doesn't belong to them? How often do hapless teens tampering in the dark arts accidentally summon a demon? Can you blame the monsters for being cranky? They, like moms, are dealt less than ideal circumstances, forced to get by as best they can.
So which of the classic Halloween monsters screams (or howls or cackles) your name? You have options, my friend, including the following:
Whether you're right there whenever your kids have a problem, or you're right behind them when they're about to do something naughty, you're always around when your kids need you... and when they least expect it. You're a little bit scary sometimes, and you can often be found just kind of wandering the the house screaming and moaning. But, for whatever front you put up about being a scary bad guy, your kids can see right through you (pun intended) and they know how much you love them.
Everyone is inexplicably drawn to you. You're charismatic and charming but, indeed, a sneaky and dangerous creature. You prefer nights and tend to hiss if you find yourself caught in the first rays of sunlight. And just as vampires require regular meals of blood, you can also be found sucking down a life-giving substance: coffee. (What do you expect after all those late nights?)
You're tired. So very, very tired. But just because you're tired doesn't mean you can stop. You have to keep going. You're mindlessly relentless. You often look, you know, not super put together and you might smell a bit — not because you're a re-animated rotting corpse, thank goodness, but because you haven't had the opportunity to shower for a couple days and it's becoming obvious.
Incidentally, this is the most common Monster Mama style for parents of newborns, for obvious reasons.
You're like a regular mom most of the time, but you have a very specific trigger that can send you over the edge into rampage territory. For werewolves, obviously, this is the full moon. For you it might be people leaving their dirty socks in the living room, or taking forever to get shoes on when you're already late, or your child's endless whining.
Oh, and you don't always have the opportunity to shave.
You're a deep, eloquent, thoughtful, poetic, and sensitive, but people don't always get that because you can be intimidating and aren't always super great at expressing yourself. (A lot of the time it comes out in mumbles and grunts.) You don't have a great relationship with your own parent, which has resulted in some anger issues, but when it comes down to it you just want to love on your kids and find comfort and maybe some redemption there.
You're a crafty badass who has the magical ability to conjure up anything she needs. You're resourceful, wise, and often misunderstood. Of course, you draw strength from your friends, all similarly wise and misunderstood gals, because what's a witch without her coven, after all. You also have a distinct laugh, which may sometimes embarrass your kids, but that just means you're going to be louder and more obnoxious about it.
You're traditional. Like, extremely traditional. The 3,000 BCE type of traditional. Just like mummies assorted organs all went into different canopic jars after death, you're very good at compartmentalizing. You may be tightly wound (get it?!) but your love for your children, like the mummified body of a pharaoh, is eternal.
You're the literal backbone of your family. Nothing, and I mean nothing, would happen if it wasn't for you planning, executing, then planning some more. You hold everyone together, everyone up, and keep the family moving forward.
You're quite solitary and a bit territorial, but you see the beauty in things other people don't, whether it's your kids' scribbly, unflattering pictures of the family or a haunted bog. People don't always understand what your deal is, but you know who you are and are very happy in your own company. You revel in serving as a guide and teacher to your children, teaching them to appreciate nature and how to frighten unsuspecting swimmers.
Having kids did not rob you of your sense of humor: you love a good prank and are generally known for your impish shenanigans. Chaos tends to follow you wherever you go, but in an endearing way. You have the perfect energy for raising kids, and they may sometimes even have trouble keeping up with you. You're always getting into things, so you may sometimes meddle in things you shouldn't, like inserting yourself in issues between other people. You're probably pretty quick to bail your kid out of a problem at school, and if anyone is going to mess with the wing of an airplane while pre-Star Trek William Shatner looks on in horror, it's you.
Like the main antagonist in Washington Irving's The Legend of Sleepy Hollow (who, incidentally, is based on a figure from Irish legend known as the Dullahan), you don't know where your head went and you don't expect to get it back any time soon. It's a lost cause. But does that stop you from going after what you want and doing what needs to be done? Friend, it does not! You may be a hot mess, sure, but at the end of the day you're a go-getter who will chase down everything on your to-do list, whether that's the laundry or Ichabod Crane.