Usually when people are using the words "sexy" and "mother" in the same sentence, they're talking about someone being sexy in spite of being a mother or having babies. Other times you hear slut-shaming comments like, "She shouldn't dress that way because she's somebody's mother," as if you are required to give up sex and feeling sexy after having children (or just don't admit you enjoy sex after children). I think it's so messed up for so many reasons, especially since motherhood actually helped me embrace my sexuality.
I think that being a mom is inherently sexy. I mean all moms, too, including the moms in miniskirts and the ones in yoga pants; the stay-at-home moms, with stains on their shirts and the sex workers who take their shirts off for money; the moms who fit into their pre-pregnancy jeans and the ones who now wear "mom jeans" a size or three larger than they would have worn before. The parents who don't identify as moms? Yeah, they're sexy too. All moms are sexy. Every. Single. One. The very act of growing a tiny human in your body, or agreeing to serve as a parent to a tiny human, requires some mad skills, confidence, commitment, patience, humility, and strength. All of those aforementioned traits I find extremely sexy and, as I have grown as a mother and acquired all of them, I feel like I'm a way more confident lover. Once I got past the bullsh*t notion that becoming a mom damaged me or somehow made me less sexy than I was before, I was able to fully embrace my sexuality.
I met my current husband when I was a single mom. We met, had great sex, and fell in love, all while simultaneously parenting our children, and that part of our identity didn't hurt our sex life at all. In fact, I think it has made sex way better. I became way more sex positive in how I raise my kids, too. I want them to know that the bodies, including the bodies that don't fulfill society's standard of perceived perfection, are beautiful and amazing, that nudity or sexuality are not bad or wrong, and, most of all, that being a mom and being sexy are not mutually exclusive. Here are some ways that motherhood has definitely helped me lose my shame and embrace my sexuality.