Holidays are different when you have kids. However, these changes don’t start when you have an infant in your arms. They start the moment you become pregnant. Your body and your ability to perform certain activities change, so what you normally do on said special occasions changes, too. And unlike the way a baby changes your celebrations (like dressing up as Santa and surprising your kids), pregnancy only makes it more difficult to enjoy the holidays. So, honestly, it's easy to imagine the reasons why being pregnant on St. Patrick’s Day is the worst.
While the origins of St. Patrick’s Day are rooted in Catholicism, these days our collective celebrating simply includes wearing obnoxious green clothing items and drinking (probably a little too much, and probably green beer). While the green isn’t necessarily a hindrance when you’re pregnant, you might be "seeing green" thanks to the fluctuations in hormones. And sure, you can replace your green beer or Irish whiskey with a green mint shake or a kiwi or lime-based green mocktail, but I have a feeling it just won't feel the same.
Now, every pregnancy and every woman is different, so maybe the the ways a pregnancy changes St. Patrick's Day doesn't bother every woman growing a human being inside her body. However, for the majority of us, it just kind of ruins the entire experience.
Because You Can't Drink
No matter how cultural you try to get about it, St. Patrick’s Day tends to mainly be about drinking. Drink Guinness, drink green beer, drink whiskey, drink whatever, apparently. Obviously your pregnant self should definitely not be partaking.
Because You Can't Attend The Outrageous Bar Crawls
The main thing people do on St. Pat’s, aside from drink, is drink in multiple locations. Folks hit the bars and pubs and then stumble into the next on, and so on and so forth. You could totally go ahead and be your friends’ designated driver, but are you really going to want to?
Because There's Probably Way Too Many Drunk People Around You
Being around drunk people, especially when you're not drinking, can be a bit obnoxious, depressing, and frustrating. There will be lots and lots of inebriation around you, meaning more loose-lipped folks, more rowdiness, and more reasons to want to leave wherever you are immediately. In short, you’re better off at home.
Because You're Too Tired To Enjoy A Parade
Some towns will host St. Patrick’s Day parades. This sounds like it could be fun, sure, but a parade insinuates a whole lot of standing, either under the sun or at night when it might get too chilly (since it’s still March). Also, no bathrooms.
Because Your Go-To Green Clothes Probably Don't Fit
Unless you planned this out ahead of time, there’s a good chance you won’t own any green maternity wear. I mean, check your closet. How much green clothing do you own in the first place?
Because Someone Is Bound To Pinch You
1. You shouldn’t pinch people on St. Patrick's Day. Grow up, people
2. You shouldn’t pinch pregnant women, ever.
3. You should never, ever pinch a pregnant person on St. Patricks if you value your life.
Because Your Morning Sickness Is Going To Ruin Your Irish Stew
Shepherd’s Pie might sound yummy, but if you’re feeling queasy it’s probably not the easiest food to hold down. Same goes for stew or corned beef and cabbage (especially the cabbage). I suppose you could try a plain potato, though.
Because A Dude Dressed As A Leprechaun Will Probably Touch Your Stomach Without Asking
People who dress like leprechauns on St. Patty’s are the worst. There, I said it. So, if they’re around you while you’re pregnant, you’ll probably find them even more annoying. And if they try to touch your belly to bring you luck or some other load of crap, well, they better hope their luck hasn’t run out.
Because Everyone Will Be Too Loud
You’re pregnant, meaning you like to sleep. You especially like to sleep whenever you want, which might not match up with your college-age neighbor’s plans to do Irish Car Bombs with his buddies all night. Did I mention St. Patrick's Day is the worst when you’re pregnant?
Because Your Commute Will Be All Sorts Of Messed Up
Forget about going anywhere that night. If you have any appointments, you should probably move them. Try to get home early to avoid any drunk folks stumbling home in the middle of the road, or worse, driving drunk. No, thanks.
Because You Can't Dress Your Kid Up In A Cute Outfit Yet
The best thing about holidays, for moms and in my opinion, is getting to share them with your kids. But when you’re pregnant, your little bun in the oven is still, well, cooking. That means that while you can play them some Irish music or drink a shamrock shake, you’re still not getting to do all the fun and cute stuff with them. Not yet.
But it’s cool, you’ll get to do it next year. You’ll still hate all the drunk people (because now you’ll have a baby to care for), but at least you’ll get to draw a shamrock on your sweet baby's cheek or dress them in one of those cute green shirts.