Romper

12 Texts Every Mom Sends When She's Shopping For A Halloween Costume For Her Kid

Given that there are tiny animal costumes for sale at a number of local retailers, it’s surprising that we’re able to get anything done in the months of September and October. As if babies and small children aren’t adorable enough, now we have an excuse to, basically, turn them into living stuffed animals. One thing’s for certain: deciding on a costume for a small child can be a huge endeavor. How are we supposed to decide? This is why the texts moms send while shopping for Halloween costumes for her kid are so important, so vital, and likely tell a tale of intrigue, drama, confusion and excitement.

OK, maybe that’s slightly dramatic, but seriously; those pictures are going to live forever in your home, definitely on a few grandparents' refrigerators, and undoubtably on your friend’s Facebook feeds for maybe 8 minutes before political posts take them over so, yeah, choosing a costume is a big deal.

I have a few ideas in mind for my own son this year, and while nothing’s carved in pumpkin yet, one thing’s for certain: it’s going to be really, really cute. I mean, he’s a two-year-old toddler, so he’s very much in that “everything is cute” stage, but still, I’m trying not to let that be an excuse to be lazy. Allow me to take you on a textual walk you through what a shopping trip for this momentous occasion might entail:

The Obvious Statement

Logically, yes, I think most parents realize that shopping for Halloween costumes for a small child will expose them to cuteness. However, until we're actually in the store aisle, absorbing the Velcro, fleecy concoctions that we can choose from, we don't really know.

The Slight Exagerration

It's too much, guys. It's just too much, especially when there are hats and various other head coverings involved.

The "Of Course It Did"

Of course, if the bottom fit like it was supposed to, we wouldn't be having this conversation. However, these are toddlers costumes we're talking about, so nothing fits the way it's supposed to.

The "Glad To Know"

Because toddlers aren't exactly known for their patience, and willingness to cooperate while you're running errands in public, are they? Wait, don't answer that.

The "Why Aren't More People Talking About This"?

And yes, that's a scientifically proven statement. Sort of. But seriously, more animal ears on kids' clothes, please.

A True Statement

Of course, I want my son to be comfortable and confident with his own body, and I want him to feel comfortable expressing himself. However, for now, that's going to look like giving him a choice between Fuzzy Lion and Fuzzy Turtle.

A Second True Statement

I see you, moms with school-age children. I see you.

The Celebration

In the meantime, let's celebrate some of the small wins, shall we? Baby steps, literally.

The Valid Question

Yes, I know I could probably make it myself. No, I definitely won't be taking the time to do so. Perhaps that's my answer.

Yet Another True Statement

My phone may or may not still have Halloween photos from last year on it. But seriously, have I mentioned how cute kids in Halloween costumes are?

The "If Only"

Can you just imagine how many of our world's problems would be solved if every important meeting started with a toddler costume parade? All of them.

The Struggle

Turkeys are not that cute in real life.