Dating as a single mom included some of the most frustrating, awkward, and humiliating times of my adult life. Not only was it hard to put myself out there, but I had limited time and energy to devote to dating. So it really sucked when the people I dated or chatted with online ended up letting me know that they thought me being a mom was a bad thing. You would not believe the responses dates gave after hearing, "I'm a mom." The nerve of some people, really.
Sadly, in my conversations with other moms I’ve learned that I'm totally not alone. It seems that rather than giving out high-fives to single moms, some prospective dating partners, primarily men, will let utter bullsh*t fall out of their mouths. I’m not joking, you guys. In fact, some people feel so strongly about not dating moms that they felt perfectly fine telling the women sitting across from them how they felt about it, and right out of the proverbial gate. On the bright side, if you learn how strongly a date feels about it before and/or during your first date, it'll be easier for you to essentially dodge a massive bullet. On the downside, you might not find out until you've put on deodorant, lipstick, and cute underwear. What a waste.
It seems that some people have really strong feelings about dating women with kids. So strong, in fact, that when I asked other moms to share their experiences online, a guy decided that he had to share his views on the subject, too. God forbid women discuss their experiences without a man weighing in. This is why we can’t have nice things, people.
So, if you want to know some of the things single moms have actually heard from their dates when they found out they were moms, and one single 40-year-old guy's explanation why men say sh*tty things on dates, read on.
"Can I come over to screw after your kids are asleep?"
"He has to go to his dad's sometimes. You get nights off, right?"
"You really scrub up well. I wasn't expecting you to have the time to do much."
"Do they have a strong male role model in their lives if you two are split?"
"I can't date you if you can't devote all of your energy on me."
"I hope your kids are ready for a new daddy. You can call me 'daddy,' too."
"At least I know you like f*cking, hahaha."
"One guy asked me if I’d be willing to sell my food stamps, 'because all single moms get welfare,' and then give him half the cash so he could buy cocaine."
"Wow, having a baby didn't wreck your body at all!"
"I thought people who have kids at a young age bounce back quicker?"
"Did you breastfeed? Can I get a taste?"
"I had a guy friend I used to casually hook up with years ago say to me after I had my babies, 'at least you had C-sections, so I bet your p*ssy is still tight. That's worth the scar on your stomach.'"
"So many men asking me to come over at midnight all the time. I always respond, 'I have a baby,' and most of them will ask again a few days later. I also got 'you’re still hot, though.'"
"A guy I saw very casually told my daughter (the first time he met her) that she should call him when she is 18. Vomit."
"I've heard, 'So, when does he go to his dad's?' My answer was, 'Never.'"
"I've had several dudes ask to drink my breast milk."
"A guy I had been dating for a few weeks told my sitter he only dated single moms 'cause he knew they put out' and since they were often busy with their kids, and desperate to boot, it was easier 'to have a few hanging on the line at a time.' I ended up marrying the sitter."
"Not a mom, but kids squidge me right out, and I've accidentally said stuff like 'disease vectors' and 'spawnlings.' Jokingly, but yeah. It is awkward enough that I choose to save us both and not date moms. No great loss, right? There are lots of other people for moms to date, right?"
Writer's Note: not a single mom, but since he thought it was a good idea to join a space asking for moms' experiences, I included his remarks. Apparently, we needed a man to explain them to us. Besides, I thought it was a perfect example of things dates actually think it's OK to say to single moms on dates. Sigh.
Check out Romper's new video series, Bearing The Motherload, where disagreeing parents from different sides of an issue sit down with a mediator and talk about how to support (and not judge) each other’s parenting perspectives. New episodes air Mondays on Facebook.