Romper

17 Ways Grown-Ass Women Keep Their Sex Lives On Point After Having Kids

It’s 10 p.m. You’re exhausted from a full day of taking your toddler to story time and the playground and making multiple meals and navigating nap schedules. And then you had to do the dishes, the laundry, make additional snacks and answer e-mails. You didn’t even have a chance to shower. Hell, you’re not even sure if you remembered to brush your teeth in the morning. So, once it’s all clear for sexy time, how on earth do you get the energy to get busy with your partner?

It’s not easy keeping up a good sex life once you’ve had kids. Those days of carefree sexual marathons and occasional quickies before school or work are long gone, right? Wrong! Grown-ass women know it’s still entirely possible to enjoy some lengthy foreplay and get busy if you’re committed and occasionally creative. It won’t happen overnight, though, and it will take a little more effort than you may or may not be used to. If you’ve been going through a sex drought, you’ll have to roll up your sleeves for a few days, weeks, maybe even months before you regain control of your libido. But, and trust me on this, it can be done! You, too, can learn to have sex while your kids are in the house (though sometimes you’ll also want to ship them off elsewhere, but let’s not get too ahead of ourselves).

Seriously, not all hope is lost. If you want to go back to having somewhat regular orgasms, try these 17 ways to keep your sex life on point after having kids, and for the love of all things pleasurable, enjoy yourself!

Make Sure To Go On Dates

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Dating is important. It’s the precursor to many sexual encounters and every grown-ass woman knows (whether she's married, committed, single, polyamorous or any possible romantic variation) that date nights are a must if you want to keep your sex life going.

Don’t Be Afraid To Put The Kids To Bed Early If And Whenever Necessary...

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If the mood strikes earlier than bedtime (hello, afternoon delight), it’s perfectly acceptable to send your offspring to bed or nap time just a bit earlier than usual. After all, you're the boss, and your children don't need to know that they're hitting the hay so you and your partner can get busy.

...Or Send Them Outside To Play

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If it’s daytime and your kid(s) are old enough, you can always tell them they’re not getting enough sunshine and to go outside and get wonderfully messy and have fun running around. Send them out to ride bikes with their friends or play in the backyard or do whatever "fun in the sun" activity they enjoy, and get it on while you can.

Masturbate Regularly

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If your libido’s been a little stagnant, you can always give it a little jumpstart with a healthy dose of well-deserved self-love. Do it in the bathroom or the shower or under the sheets or, of course, do it as part of foreplay. Grown-ass women know their bodies inside and out, and aren't afraid to enjoy themselves, by themselves.

Don’t Wait To Be Approached By Your Partner

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If it's been a while and you're feeling particularly low, don't put your happiness in the hands of your partner. Instead, own your own happiness and make the first move. Your partner might be so hearing that you're not interested in having sex (as many women experience low sex-drives after having a baby) that they’ve stopped trying to approach you, so feel free to extend an invitation.

Let Your Partner Know You’re Open To Trying New Things

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Sometimes your significant other needs a reminder that you’re there and ready and available and open to trying new and exciting things. Be vocal about it and don't be afraid to discuss potential positions or certain toys or anything else you might fantasize about or be intrigued by. If you know your partner very well or you've been committed to them for an extended period of time, let them know that just because you two are comfortable with one another, doesn't mean you're done experiencing different things for the first time, together.

Sneak Sex In During Your Kid’s Naps Or While They're At School. Whenever.

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Take advantage of every moment, as they are few and far between. And, honestly, nothing is hotter than a quickie in the middle of the day, when you're worried that your kid might come home from school or from playing outside or wake up from a nap. It's like your 16 all over again, sneaking around with someone your parents probably wouldn't approve of (not that I did that, or anything).

Add A Sex-Component To All Major Holidays And Special Occasions

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Holidays are the perfect time to have “scheduled” sex without it being overly, laboriously and kind of sadly scheduled. Plan whatever your activity will be with the family (dinner or wrapping gifts or going to a movie or whatever) and know you’ve got something even better planned for afterward.

Set Your Clocks For Sex Time

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If you’ve done the above and it’s still not enough, you can just face facts that sometimes you may have to schedule your romps in the sack. No shame. No judgement. Actually, nothing but complete support. Whatever it takes to be fulfilled, I always say.

Leave The Kids At Their Grandparent’s For A Night Or Two

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If you’ve got a trusted someone to leave the kid(s) with for the night, DO IT. And then do it.

Or Better Still, Go Away For A Sexy Weekend

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You’re a parent. You deserve it. There's no reason to let the all-too-common mom guilt get the best of you, and keep you from taking a vacation with your significant other so you can just focus on yourselves and each other.

Bring Up Old Fantasies

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It might’ve been some time since you discussed your role-playing ideas or toy wish list or anything of the sort, but don’t give up hope! You and your partner might’ve been too tired those first few months (or, you know, years) your kids were born to talk about the hot, sexy stuff, but that doesn’t mean you don’t want to revisit those conversations.

Flirt At Random Times Of Day

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Keeping your partner on their toes, so-to-speak, will (arguably) keep them interested. It's exciting when things are unpredictable, and a small flirtation like the touch of a shoulder or a tender kiss or a whisper or even, honestly a look, can remind your partner about the beginning of your relationship. At that point, nostalgia takes over, and the clothes are pretty quick to come off.

Talk Openly About Sex

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If you simply ignore talking about sex all the time, how will it ever come up? Make it a point to discuss your sex life and check in and consistently ask your partner what they want, what works for them, what you enjoy, and how you would like your sex life to be. Communication is key, and it's so important that you maintain constant verbal contact if you are to maintain a healthy, fulfilling relationship.

Kiss...A Lot

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Kissing is important. It’s passionate and sexy and helps turn you and your partner on. Don’t forget about it!

They Take Trips To Sex Shops

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It’ll keep things interesting and you may learn some new things about your partner (and hell, even yourself) during your visit. Maybe seeing a certain toy will spark a sexy idea you didn't previously have. Maybe your partner will become inspired and, in turn, so will you. You don't know until you give it a try.

Challenge Yourself To Simply Do It More Often

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What can I say? "Just do it" doesn't just apply to athletic gear or fancy running shoes.