Getting pregnant after a loss is stressful, wonderful, and complicated. After you lose a baby, whether through miscarriage, prematurity, or any other way, your life is left in shambles, whether you have other living children or not. If you want another baby, and are lucky enough to have another, your life is filled with a new, unexpected, and cautious joy. As a result, sometimes folks don’t know how to react to this post-loss baby. Rest assured there are plenty of great ways to react, but there are things you moms of rainbow babies do not need to hear, too.
It’s not surprising that many folks end up putting their foot in their mouths when speaking to a grieving parent or the parent of a rainbow baby. Most of us don’t learn how to talk about dead babies in any capacity (or death in general, for that matter). After I lost my daughter, and even after I had my own rainbow baby, I often encountered people who just didn’t know how to react. Some offer condolences. Some don’t. Some ask questions. Some ignore the situation (and even my babies) altogether.
I know that it’s a difficult topic, but I want people to know that it’s OK to talk about the death of our babies. I want people to know it's OK to not always know what to say, and that all we need is support through our losses and the birth of our rainbows. What I do ask, though, is for folks to always be kind. Check out some of these statements and make sure not to use them the next time you’re around the parents of a rainbow.