8 Fights Every Couple Has When They're Trying To Conceive

Ad failed to load

Every couple fights. In my experience, even couples who have otherwise great relationships fight at least once in a while. This is especially true during times of stress, or when there are big decisions to be made. For many couples, one of these stressful times is trying to conceive (TTC). The decision to have a baby is a huge deal and can be super taxing. So, it's no wonder that there are fights every couple has when they're trying to conceive.

When my first husband and I started TTC, we fought a lot. I think it was partially because we disagreed about a few parenting-related issues, and about whether or not to tell anyone we were trying. But we also didn't anticipate the stress that trying to get pregnant would cause. There was so much uncertainty about when and if I would get pregnant. Plus, babies are expensive and we rarely saw eye-to-eye on finances. I can tell you from experience that having a baby will not fix a broken marriage or bring you closer to a distant partner. Sigh.

My second marriage, however, is awesome. I have a partner I trust and can rely on in the worst of situations. You know what, though? We still fought while TTC. Most were just silly fights that come along with the ups and downs of heavy emotions, disappointment, and our changing lives. The good news is that if you are prepared for these common areas of disagreement and conflict, you just might be able can address some of these issues ahead of time and before things get heated (or at least know they are normal and find ways to make-up afterward).

Ad failed to load

The Fight About Timing


The decision about if and when to start a family is huge, and when you first bring it up, you might find that you and your partner have different ideas about it. As with most conflicts in marriage, the best way to handle this fight is talk about it, your fears, your wants, and your reasoning. And if you can't agree on timing, wait. As long as you are together, you owe it to each other to get on the same page about when to start a family.

The Fight When You Handle Disappointment Differently

I am the type of person who fails and wants to get right back on the proverbial horse and try again. My husband, however, gets seriously disappointed and has a hard time coming back from bad or discouraging news. So, yeah, everyone has a right to their own emotions about a negative pregnancy test or late period, and yes, my friends, those emotions can lead to a fight when it seems like the other person just doesn't get it. My best advice for making it through disappointment or surprise is to try to find empathy for your partner's feelings and remember that you are in this together.

The Fight About Sex Being Work


It's no secret that I love sex. I found the first few times I had sex while trying to conceive to be exciting and wonderful. After a month or so, though, it started to feel less like sexy time and more like a chore. Ugh. It was the source of more than a few fights, and fortunately, some make-up sex, too.

Ad failed to load

The Fight About Whether To Tell People

When we first decided to try to conceive, I wanted to tell everyone. It turns out, though, that my husband was really worried that we might not get pregnant and everyone would know. So, yeah, we fought about it. In the end, we decided to compromise, and only told a few people about our plans. The way I saw it, even if I couldn't get pregnant right away, I could probably use support of my mom friends (and my mom) to help me through the stress of trying to conceive.

The Fight About Money


The decision to have kids can seriously disrupt your financial life. Not only does pregnancy and having babies cost money on the front end, but kids are ridiculously expensive. You have to ask yourself if you are in a financial position to support a family, or can get to a financially stable place in a reasonable amount of time. And in my experience, money means fighting. From my first marriage I learned that getting on the same page about finances is so important. So, the second time around, my husband and I spent time discussing how much having another child would cost and make decisions together about how to proceed.

The Fight When You Have A Bad Day

I learned the hard way that having a baby wouldn't fix my bad marriage or fill the void of an absent husband. And during my second marriage I learned that when you are TTC, things can get stressful enough to cause even the most stable couples to argue about the stupidest things.

Ad failed to load

The Fight About Parenting Choices


When you have a baby there are a ton of decisions you have to make about how you will parent. Sometimes, when you are trying to conceive, things will come up that two people just don't agree on. In our case, my husband and I had actually never thought about circumcision, until one day when I asked him offhand and he said that he thought that's what all parents did. Nope. For me, circumcision was not something I wanted to do. Fortunately, after a few fights, and some research, we were able to agree.

The Fight When You Might Be Pregnant

Yeah, the few weeks of waiting to find out if you are pregnant can be seriously stressful, and I don't know about you, but after a couple of weeks of arguments you might just find that you are ambivalent about whether or not you want to be pregnant, even if you were trying. Fortunately, we were able to find ways to resolve conflict and move forward, but damn, it was so hard at times.

Check out Romper's new video series, Romper's Doula Diaries:

Watch full episodes of Romper's Doula Diaries on Facebook Watch.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

6 Early Signs You're Going To Have A Short Labor, According To Experts

As far as I'm concerned, a short labor is right up there with winning the lottery in terms of lucky life events. (And when I was actually in labor, I would absolutely have traded a bucketful of lottery winnings for a speedier birth.) While some women…
By Kelly Mullen-McWilliams

Kids Will Love These TV Shows & Movies Coming To Netflix In March

You can always count on Netflix to keep it fresh: though there are already so many movies and shows to choose from, every month there's an influx of new content to keep your entire family entertained. As February enters its final weeks, it's time to …
By Megan Walsh

Here Are 10 Ways To Boost Your Baby's Immunity To The Flu

As I'm sure you've read in the thousands upon thousands of articles written about it this winter, the flu is spreading like wildfire and it's bad. Really bad. This strand of flu is the worst we've had in a very long time and it's the most widespread,…
By Abi Berwager Schreier

Khloé Kardashian Asked Twitter About Her Bump, & Moms Totally Delivered

Like her younger sister Kylie Jenner, Khloé Kardashian managed to keep most of her pregnancy a sort-of secret. But unlike Jenner, Kardashian chose to publicly announce her pregnancy several months before the baby's due date. While there's no wrong wa…
By Sophie Hirsh

21 Moms Share The Most Surprising Part About Having A C-Section

Honestly, I don't think we, as a culture, talk about C-sections nearly enough, especially considering so many mothers experience them. And because of a number of factors, the little we do talk about it always seems to be a familiar narrative: "It's n…
By Jamie Kenney

13 Yummy Instant Pot Recipes To Make Under 30 Minutes

An Instant Pot seems to be the must-have appliance in every kitchen these days. If you are anything like me and never knew the beauty of a Instant Pot, you are about to have your life changed. Basically, you put some ingredients into a pot, set the t…
By Kristin Manna

9 Things The First Six Months Of Motherhood Will Teach You About Your Baby

Personally, the first six months of motherhood was a mixed bag. I learned some harsh lessons about myself that made taking care of my baby seem overwhelming. For example, I was clueless, and no amount of research could help me feel like anything but …
By Steph Montgomery

11 Photos You *Must* Take During The Last Days Of Your Pregnancy

During my first pregnancy, I took a photo each week to document my growing belly. I stopped around 36 weeks, though. I hated how I looked in those pictures, and didn't think I'd want to relive those moments. I was wrong. My second pregnancy was a dum…
By Steph Montgomery

6 Red Flags To Definitely Look Out For After Your Baby Falls

The first time my infant son tried to take a few steps, he tumbled and bumped his head on the coffee table. My blood turned to ice in my veins and I froze. There truly isn't anything quite like the feeling a parent gets when their little one gets hur…
By Sarah Bunton

These 9 Instant Pot Recipes Will Make Even The Pickiest Eater Happy At The Table

Like any parent, I've had my share of parenting hits and misses, but one of my favorite "wins" is my daughter's diverse palate. I don't even know if I can take credit for it, but I would like to think I had something to do with her love for lentils, …
By Caroline Shannon-Karasik

Turns Out, Kim Kardashian's Favorite Mom Products Look A Lot Like Your Own Faves

Being a mom is really hard work, especially for the first few months, and Kim Kardashian West is no different in that regard. Now the mother of three, Kardashian says that there are a few products she just can't live without when it comes to raising …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

10 Things No One Tells You About Having A Baby In Your 30s

If you're like me, you evaluate the pros and cons of any major life decision. When my husband and I were considering starting a family, I thought about my career, education, and financial stability. I wanted to know how a pregnancy and childbirth wou…
By Steph Montgomery

Soda Might Hurt Your Fertility, Study Says, & Here's What You Can Do

Who doesn't love sugary drinks? I stopped drinking soda years ago, but I still love gulping down those fancy Starbucks coffee beverages. I don't have a big sweet tooth, but I am a sucker for sugar-sweetened beverages every now-and-then. Turns out, th…
By Annamarya Scaccia

5 Red Flags Your Toddler Isn't Eating Enough

Toddlers are notoriously picky eaters, at least in my experience. You offer mashed potatoes, they want french fries. You give them crackers, they scream for chips. It's frustrating, to be sure, but it's usually their way of vying for independence. It…
By Candace Ganger

35 Moms Share The Most Disgusting Things Their Husbands Do

I'm a human being who revels in challenges. I like when people present me with one, especially if they don't think I can meet or succeed it, and I like taking a challenge on, especially if it's unexpected. So when I aimed to uncover the most disgusti…
By Jamie Kenney

How Having Kids In Your 20s Affects You Later In Life

For parents, like myself, who had kids in their 20s, there are a number of questions that come to mind. When you're deciding what your future will look like, you'll likely consider what this means for your health, career, and more down the line. Thin…
By Tessa Shull

Study: Drinking Two Glasses Of Wine A Day Is Good For Your Mind — Here's Why

There’s more scientific proof that a daily drink or two isn't necessarily a bad thing and could have a place in an overall healthy lifestyle. A new study out of the University of Rochester Medical Center (URMC) in New York found that — in mice, at le…
By Tiffany Thomas

Research Says Eating Carbs Can Lead To A Healthy Pregnancy, So Bring On The Pasta

In the world of me, no food is better than bread. I know it's supposed to be pretty terrible for you, high in calories, low in protein, and full of that modern-day demon, gluten... but guys, it's really yummy. Especially warm out of the oven, when th…
By Jen McGuire

These Photos Of Prince George Then & Now Will Give You Serious Baby Fever

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are expecting their third child in Spring 2018. With all of the excitement surrounding the new baby, it's easy to forget all of the good times that have already passed. The couple's eldest is already well into the sc…
By Azure Hall

This Is, Hands Down, The *Grossest* Thing Babies Do Inside The Womb

Your baby's life in the womb may be safe and warm, but it's also kind of grody. Seriously, the whole process of growing into a human being includes more than a few icky moments along the way. But this is the grossest thing babies do inside the womb b…
By Lindsay E. Mack