There's no getting around it: motherhood and guilt seem to go hand-in-hand. In my experience, you start feeling guilty about the choices you make when you're pregnant, and it only intensified from that point on. To make matters worse, you eventually find yourself having to leave your child with a babysitter — for a night out, an hour at the gym, or every weekday, so you can do your damn job. And, as a result, you will inevitably learn there are questions babysitters ask that make moms feel guilty, whether they intend to or not.
Now, I am not just talking about snarky comments about using childcare in the first place. Those are completely inappropriate, sexist, and intended to make you feel like garbage. Daycare did not "raise" my kids and my baby doesn't like the nanny more than me. Besides, babysitters are part of the village that surrounds kids with love and care, right? Aren't we, as a society, constantly telling women that it takes a village? There's no shame in getting help when you need it. It's just that, well, asking for help can be a challenge, especially when the babysitter makes you feel guilty about it.
I don't think the people I trust to watch my kids for a few hours are intentionally attempting to make me feel like crap. I'm really referring to the unconscious digs about my parenting. Yes, the baby isn't wearing socks. Yes, I let my kids have screen time. Yes, I miss them when I'm not with them, but I also need to take care of myself if I have any hopes of being a good mom, and that means hiring babysitters when I work, for date nights, for trips to the gym, when I need to get sh*t done, and even for self care. I also don't appreciate comments about my house, my kids' hair not being brushed, or the state of their bedrooms. I have bigger battles to fight, and, to be honest, I am not cleaning my house just to impress a babysitter. Not gonna happen. I feel enough guilt about being a working mom and not looking at my kids every minute of every day, so the last thing I need is another person, intentionally or not, making me feel guilty.