One of the realities of giving birth is acknowledging that your body will change. For some, that’s enough to avoid procreation altogether. Others understand the challenges and choose to endure them anyway. And some fail to understand the transformation they're bound to experience. No matter where you fall, though, one thing’s for sure: no one is allowed to make you feel lousy or negative about your new physique, including your partner. In fact, there are some comments your partner shouldn’t make about your postpartum body.
After experiencing pregnancy twice, I'm well aware that I don't look the same way I did when I first met my husband. In my pre-pregnancy, pre-baby days I weighed about 20 pounds less, and while I’ve always had a “belly,” it did not protrude in the way it does now. I didn't have a single stretch mark, although the ones I have now are fair and few. In other words, my body has been altered permanently in order to grow our family.
But no matter what has changed, my partner has never once told me I was undesirable. He’s never made me feel “ugly” in any way. He’s never once complained that I haven’t “gotten my body back,” whatever the hell that means. He’s also never said any of the following, which I am straight-up telling y’all you should never tolerate from your partners (or anyone else, for that matter). Seriously, kick them to the curb if they do, cause it’s not OK.
“When Are You Going To Lose The Baby Weight?”
You see magazine covers spewing this nonsense all the time. “Lose the baby weight!” Wait, what? Is it still baby weight if I’ve kept it on three years postpartum? Is it still baby weight if the baby is no longer inside my body?
Just like you wouldn’t regularly tell your partner to lose weight (unless you were helping them into a healthier lifestyle because they’ve got some serious condition that requires them to shed some pounds), you just don’t ask this ridiculous question. They lost the "baby weight" the moment the baby (or babies) came into the world.
“Are You Going To Try Another Cream For Those Stretch Marks?”
Sure, I guess you could say this is kind of a sly way of saying they don’t like your stretch marks, but it’s still just as rude. If you’re working on using creams and ointments to try and minimize their appearance, that’s your business. Your partner shouldn’t inject him or herself into any of this.
"I Wish Your Boobs Had Stayed That Big"
Many women experience changes in breast size when they get pregnant, give birth, and/or lactate. Some partners are pleased with the increase in chest size, which is fine, but it’s not fine to shame a person if their breasts went back down in size, or if they never grew at all. Love all the boobies, thank you very much.
"I Miss When Your Breasts Were Perkier"
Some people also experience some sag when their breast size changes. But again, that’s your business. Your partner should be happy that you even let them near your knockers, damnit.
"Maybe You Should Try Hiding That Scar"
Those who have a c-section can sometimes feel embarrassed or self-conscious to show off their scar. It’s a personal choice, of course, and women shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable in order to prove a point and/or push society forward.
But say you’re hitting the beach and you don’t care who sees your scar? Your partner should never say anything disparaging about it.
"Your Hips Sure Got Wide"
Hips tend to get wider with pregnancy. They also have to if you’re giving birth vaginally, to make way for the baby. If your partner is such a fool they can’t appreciate more of a good thing (because hips are sexy, y’all), show them out the door.
"You Sure Do Jiggle A Lot"
Umm, gee, thanks? No. Sure, my tummy might be a little squishier than it used to be, but IDGAF and my partner sure as hell better not either.
"You're So Dry Down There"
This is an unpleasant side effect some experience postpartum. Vaginas don’t always lubricate quite as quickly as they once did. You know what, though? Maybe it has more to do with realizing that our partners need to do more for us than they used to. They need to pay it more attention, give that vulva some real love. Trust me, if your partner is taking proper care of you down there, there shouldn’t be any dryness. Tell them to buy some lube and prepare for some foreplay or hit the road.
"You Still Kind Of Look Pregnant"
No one wants to hear this. Seriously. No one. Not from strangers and certainly not from a partner.