I was more than thrilled to announce my pregnancy to friends and family. While it was unplanned and more than a surprise, my partner and I weighed our options, discussed our future plans (at length), and realized we were ready and willing and able to be parens. So I knew this announcement was going to be exiting and shocking to, well, everyone. Still, I was more than a little bummed when people started saying "we" were pregnant. We? What? I will never, ever, say "we're" pregnant — not then, and certainly not during any potential pregnancy I may or may not experience in the future — because that's simply not true. I was pregnant. My partner was just supporting the very pregnant person in his life.
Now, I get the reason why people say "we're" pregnant. "We" are probably excited to welcome a baby into the world, and either become a family or expand on it. "We" are probably trying to do all "we" can to help survive those damn pregnancy symptoms, because morning sickness and heartburn and fatigue and swollen limbs are no joke. "We" probably don't want to feel alone but, rather, like "we're" a team, because pregnancy is a huge life-change and can be overwhelming if not downright scary. It's awesome to feel an ever-present sense of solidarity when you're going through something that makes you feel like you're not longer in control of your own body.
However, words matter. To pretend they don't is to outwardly deny the power of language. As a writer who does the whole word thing for a living, it was incredibly upsetting to have people say "we" were pregnant, when I was the only one pregnant in my relationship. My partner wasn't growing another person. My partner wasn't throwing up all day, every day, for almost seven months. My partner wasn't going through evasive tests or changing his diet or struggling to sleep because he could no longer depend on his favorite, go-to sleeping position (RIP laying on my stomach and burying my exhausted face in a comfortable pillow). So, no, I won't be saying "we're" pregnant anytime soon, and here are just a few reasons why: