estradaanton/Fotolia

I Told Everyone I Was Pregnant Right Away, But I Was Considering Abortion

By
Share
Ad failed to load

When and how to announce a pregnancy isn't as straightforward as one might think. Some expecting parents want to share their news as soon as possible. Others decide to wait awhile before they share the news, and for a variety of valid reasons. When I was first trying to conceive, I definitely planned to wait until the second trimester before I announced my pregnancy. Then I learned the only universal truth about pregnancy — nothing goes as planned. Despite my initial plans, I told everyone I was pregnant right away, and I totally wish I hadn't. Because, at the time, I was also contemplating abortion.

To say that my first pregnancy was planned is kind of an understatement. My then-husband and I wanted to be married for at least five years before we had our first child, and, as the time, everything was going according to our plan. We got married, bought a house, and purchased a hybrid car. I had earned a promotion at work, and we were actually able to save some money for the first time in our lives. We felt like real adults, and, as a result of all that adultness, we felt like we were absolutely ready to be parents. Turns out, no one is actually ready to be parents. Not entirely, anyway. But that was a lesson I had yet to learn.

Ad failed to load

I read everything I could get my hands on about pregnancy and birth, because I wanted to do everything right. Since most of my sources suggested waiting until you reach the second trimester to tell people you're pregnant, that's what I planned to do. I got off birth control, started tracking my cycle, and we started having sex on the most optimal schedule for conceiving quickly, according to my research.

I ended up telling people I was pregnant so I didn't have to make this decision alone.

Then, despite all of my planning, my life fell apart. I found out that my husband had been cheating on me for pretty much our entire "perfect" marriage. I was devastated and ashamed and left feeling as though I had been living a lie; a lie perpetuated by a man I had willingly married. A few days later, I took a pregnancy test and saw that second line. The test was positive, I was pregnant, and I had no idea what I was going to do or who I should tell anyone in my life what was going on.

Ad failed to load

Honestly, my first instinct was to not tell anyone — not even my husband — about my pregnancy, until I could figure out how to move forward. I was so lost, though, and none of my options seemed particularly positive. I didn't know if I wanted to raise a family with someone who had cheated on me, if I wanted to become a single mom right out of the gate, or if the right thing to do was have an abortion. I ended up telling people I was pregnant so I didn't have to make this decision alone.

I honestly wish I had waited, though, because everyone I told had an opinion about my pregnancy. At the time I worked for an abortion provider, so I knew I had a support system in place if I decided to terminate my pregnancy. At the same time, most of my co-workers knew I was trying to conceive, so it felt weird to talk about terminating a planned pregnancy, and I am a little ashamed to say that the idea of getting an abortion at a clinic where people knew me was humiliating. Even though my pregnancy and my marriage were none of their business, I knew people would talk.

Ad failed to load
He told me he would change and that our family would be "perfect" again. Deep down, I knew it wasn't true.

I only told a few people about my pregnancy and my husband's infidelity. Every single person I told thought we needed to stay together, no matter what, because I was pregnant. I felt pressured to stay with him and continue my pregnancy, by both other people and didn't really have a stake in the outcome, and by my husband. He told me he would change and that our family would be "perfect" again. Deep down, I knew it wasn't true. But as a woman who had just found out she was pregnant, and as a woman who wanted a happy family, I so desperately wanted it to be true. So I believed him.

Ad failed to load

Those who didn't know about his cheating thought our marriage was going well, and that my pregnancy was planned and wanted. People said congratulations and were so happy about it, while I was silently freaking out. So, I put on a smile and joked about morning sickness, and pregnancy exhaustion, when I was in public and on social media, and told no one except my therapist that I was considering having an abortion.

In the end, telling people about my pregnancy right away was both a blessing and a curse.

I ultimately decided to continue my pregnancy. It was my choice, and I don't regret it. Soon after, I told everyone I was pregnant. I wasn't really ready, but in a way it helped me feel better about my choice; to be able to celebrate my pregnancy instead dreading it. I also stayed with my husband, for a while, at least. But he didn't change, and I in so many ways for so many reasons I wish I had left him before our daughter was born. While our baby was perfect, having a perfect child definitely didn't fix our marriage.

Ad failed to load
Courtesy of Steph Montgomery

In the end, telling people about my pregnancy right away was both a blessing and a curse. When I got pregnant again, I decided to wait to tell everyone until I was ready, for so many reasons. As for whether or not I think you should wait or tell people right away, honestly your mileage may vary depending on your situation, your needs, and your pregnancy. Deciding whether or not to share your pregnancy with the world is personal, and it's not as simple as waiting until a certain date. You are the expert, and you really are the only person who can make choices about your pregnancy.

If you are considering having an abortion, you don't have do it alone, you can call All Options' free talkline at 1-888-493-0092, for nonjudgmental, confidential support from trained peer counselors or visit their website for abortion care information and resources.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

6 Early Signs You're Going To Have A Short Labor, According To Experts

As far as I'm concerned, a short labor is right up there with winning the lottery in terms of lucky life events. (And when I was actually in labor, I would absolutely have traded a bucketful of lottery winnings for a speedier birth.) While some women…
By Kelly Mullen-McWilliams

Kids Will Love These TV Shows & Movies Coming To Netflix In March

You can always count on Netflix to keep it fresh: though there are already so many movies and shows to choose from, every month there's an influx of new content to keep your entire family entertained. As February enters its final weeks, it's time to …
By Megan Walsh

Here Are 10 Ways To Boost Your Baby's Immunity To The Flu

As I'm sure you've read in the thousands upon thousands of articles written about it this winter, the flu is spreading like wildfire and it's bad. Really bad. This strand of flu is the worst we've had in a very long time and it's the most widespread,…
By Abi Berwager Schreier

Khloé Kardashian Asked Twitter About Her Bump, & Moms Totally Delivered

Like her younger sister Kylie Jenner, Khloé Kardashian managed to keep most of her pregnancy a sort-of secret. But unlike Jenner, Kardashian chose to publicly announce her pregnancy several months before the baby's due date. While there's no wrong wa…
By Sophie Hirsh

21 Moms Share The Most Surprising Part About Having A C-Section

Honestly, I don't think we, as a culture, talk about C-sections nearly enough, especially considering so many mothers experience them. And because of a number of factors, the little we do talk about it always seems to be a familiar narrative: "It's n…
By Jamie Kenney

13 Yummy Instant Pot Recipes To Make Under 30 Minutes

An Instant Pot seems to be the must-have appliance in every kitchen these days. If you are anything like me and never knew the beauty of a Instant Pot, you are about to have your life changed. Basically, you put some ingredients into a pot, set the t…
By Kristin Manna

9 Things The First Six Months Of Motherhood Will Teach You About Your Baby

Personally, the first six months of motherhood was a mixed bag. I learned some harsh lessons about myself that made taking care of my baby seem overwhelming. For example, I was clueless, and no amount of research could help me feel like anything but …
By Steph Montgomery

11 Photos You *Must* Take During The Last Days Of Your Pregnancy

During my first pregnancy, I took a photo each week to document my growing belly. I stopped around 36 weeks, though. I hated how I looked in those pictures, and didn't think I'd want to relive those moments. I was wrong. My second pregnancy was a dum…
By Steph Montgomery

6 Red Flags To Definitely Look Out For After Your Baby Falls

The first time my infant son tried to take a few steps, he tumbled and bumped his head on the coffee table. My blood turned to ice in my veins and I froze. There truly isn't anything quite like the feeling a parent gets when their little one gets hur…
By Sarah Bunton

These 9 Instant Pot Recipes Will Make Even The Pickiest Eater Happy At The Table

Like any parent, I've had my share of parenting hits and misses, but one of my favorite "wins" is my daughter's diverse palate. I don't even know if I can take credit for it, but I would like to think I had something to do with her love for lentils, …
By Caroline Shannon-Karasik

Turns Out, Kim Kardashian's Favorite Mom Products Look A Lot Like Your Own Faves

Being a mom is really hard work, especially for the first few months, and Kim Kardashian West is no different in that regard. Now the mother of three, Kardashian says that there are a few products she just can't live without when it comes to raising …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

10 Things No One Tells You About Having A Baby In Your 30s

If you're like me, you evaluate the pros and cons of any major life decision. When my husband and I were considering starting a family, I thought about my career, education, and financial stability. I wanted to know how a pregnancy and childbirth wou…
By Steph Montgomery

Soda Might Hurt Your Fertility, Study Says, & Here's What You Can Do

Who doesn't love sugary drinks? I stopped drinking soda years ago, but I still love gulping down those fancy Starbucks coffee beverages. I don't have a big sweet tooth, but I am a sucker for sugar-sweetened beverages every now-and-then. Turns out, th…
By Annamarya Scaccia

5 Red Flags Your Toddler Isn't Eating Enough

Toddlers are notoriously picky eaters, at least in my experience. You offer mashed potatoes, they want french fries. You give them crackers, they scream for chips. It's frustrating, to be sure, but it's usually their way of vying for independence. It…
By Candace Ganger

35 Moms Share The Most Disgusting Things Their Husbands Do

I'm a human being who revels in challenges. I like when people present me with one, especially if they don't think I can meet or succeed it, and I like taking a challenge on, especially if it's unexpected. So when I aimed to uncover the most disgusti…
By Jamie Kenney

How Having Kids In Your 20s Affects You Later In Life

For parents, like myself, who had kids in their 20s, there are a number of questions that come to mind. When you're deciding what your future will look like, you'll likely consider what this means for your health, career, and more down the line. Thin…
By Tessa Shull

Study: Drinking Two Glasses Of Wine A Day Is Good For Your Mind — Here's Why

There’s more scientific proof that a daily drink or two isn't necessarily a bad thing and could have a place in an overall healthy lifestyle. A new study out of the University of Rochester Medical Center (URMC) in New York found that — in mice, at le…
By Tiffany Thomas

Research Says Eating Carbs Can Lead To A Healthy Pregnancy, So Bring On The Pasta

In the world of me, no food is better than bread. I know it's supposed to be pretty terrible for you, high in calories, low in protein, and full of that modern-day demon, gluten... but guys, it's really yummy. Especially warm out of the oven, when th…
By Jen McGuire

These Photos Of Prince George Then & Now Will Give You Serious Baby Fever

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are expecting their third child in Spring 2018. With all of the excitement surrounding the new baby, it's easy to forget all of the good times that have already passed. The couple's eldest is already well into the sc…
By Azure Hall

This Is, Hands Down, The *Grossest* Thing Babies Do Inside The Womb

Your baby's life in the womb may be safe and warm, but it's also kind of grody. Seriously, the whole process of growing into a human being includes more than a few icky moments along the way. But this is the grossest thing babies do inside the womb b…
By Lindsay E. Mack