Pregnancy is such a brief, but oh-so special time. Of course when it’s happening to you it can feel like an eternity, especially if you're experiencing negative pregnancy symptoms like morning sickness, body aches, awkward sex, and, yes, never-ending but always-embarrassing gas. Those last few weeks can be particularly tiresome, but once those 40 weeks (more or less) are over, you’ll look back and actually miss some of it. Personally, and while I’m in no hurry to ever get pregnant again, there are plenty of pregnancy moments I wish I could relive over and over again.
My pregnancy with my son was considered high-risk because I had lost a baby after my first pregnancy abruptly ended and I went into pre-term labor. So, honestly, I didn't really get to fully enjoy my second pregnancy or the experience of growing and carrying my son. Well, at least not as much as I would have liked. The majority of that pregnancy was filled with, well, dread and fear and relentless anxiety. I worried all the damn time. In fact, any twinge or odd sensation I felt would send me into something of a panic. I also had to deal with weekly doctor appointments, which were exhausting after a while, and a lot of restrictions that would help my pregnancy progress safely and as planned.
That's all to say that, in the end, it was difficult to be a care-free pregnant woman who could feel "at one with the experience," or whatever I assume most women with "normal" pregnancies feel. If I could go back in time, though, there are still moments of my pregnancy with my son that I would absolutely want to relive, including the following:
When I First Found Out I Was Pregnant
I’ll be honest and admit that I was not happy when I first found out about my rainbow pregnancy. More than anything, I was terrified and a bit depressed, feeling only a tinge of excitement at the tail end of those aforementioned reactions. Then again, that’s honestly just because I didn’t know how well things would turn out years later. Armed with that knowledge, I would love to experience this moment again so I could actually celebrate it.
When I Had That First Ultrasound
First ultrasounds can be magical (or heartbreaking, depending on the situation). Regardless, they solidify that, yes, this pregnancy is real. This is actually happening.
At the time my doctor thought it might be an ectopic pregnancy, so I was so scared to see the ultrasound screen. When I saw the little blip that was right where it was supposed to be, however, I felt so grateful.
When I Heard That Heartbeat For The First Time
If you thought ultrasounds were special, hearing your soon-to-be baby's heartbeat for the very first time is like the icing on the early pregnancy cake. OMG, cake. Wait, what? Oh, yeah, heartbeats. My own skipped a beat when I heard my son’s for the first time.
When I Realized I No Longer Had Morning Sickness
The first day after a long bout of morning sickness, in which your stomach finally feels settled, is a lot like the moment you realize you're no longer hungover. Or, if you're not one to indulge in a few libations, the day when you are finally, finally over the flu. It’s a wonderful, glorious moment. I would be cool with experiencing that again.
When I Found Out My Baby's Sex
This is so complicated because I know that a fetus’ genitals don’t exactly dictate their future gender expression, but I suppose it’s hard to completely shake off societal norms. It was further complicated for me because my first baby (the one I lost) was female.
When I was told I was having a boy I was a bit let down and somewhat sad that I would never be able to share certain things with my son that I would have shared with my daughter. Like, for example, celebrating my daughter's first period, which was something I was oddly looking forward to making special. In retrospect, though, having a female would not have guaranteed they’d have a period anyway. (See how it’s complicated?) Still, I wish I could go back if only to simply be happy in the moment rather than sad and scared.
When I Felt Those First Kicks
If you thought first ultrasounds and first heartbeats were magical, first kicks knock both of those to the side (in my opinion, anyway). I had been pregnant once before when I was pregnant with my son, so I knew what to look forward to when it came to baby kicks. I swear, they are still one of the coolest feelings I have ever, ever experienced.
When I Had My First Conversation With My Pregnant Belly
I spoke to my son often and while he was still cooking, but for the life of me I can’t recall what I said to him. Maybe I told him I loved him, or broke down and confessed how scared I was for him. Either way, it would be cool to go back and have those conversations over again. After all, those in-utero talks allowed my son to, for the first time, hear my (albeit muffled) voice.
When I Bought Baby Clothes For The First Time
I know that babies grow fast and there’s not much of a “point” in buying up a bunch of stuff that won’t fit in a few weeks. Still, I kind of wish I’d shopped more when I was pregnant, especially since I don’t know whether I’ll ever have any more kids. I’d definitely go back to that first shopping experience and go a little more wild.
When I Filled Out My Baby Registry
Speaking of cute stuff for my kid, there are few things that are more fun than filling out your registry. It totally took me back to being a child and writing a letter to Santa, except there was more than one Santa and they were all friends and family members.
When I Had My Baby Shower
I would love to relive my baby shower, as it was definitely one of the best moments of my entire pregnancy. I was torn between having one or not bothering, mostly because of my previous loss but always because I've always thought they were a little hokey. Fortunately, my mom and sister-in-law threw one for me, and my friends and relatives were all there. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so special and celebrated.
When I Was Preparing For Labor
I know most moms-to-be are just about done with pregnancy in those final days before giving birth, but I wasn’t. Maybe it’s because my son was my rainbow baby, but I just wanted to keep him safely inside me for as long as I could. There was so much joy and anticipation in those days, and I’d love to feel that once again.