Sexy is pretty relative, and what is considered "sexy" to one person can be considered the opposite of sexy, by another. That's what makes humanity kind of awesome; we all like, want, appreciate and lust after different things and a wide variety of people. Still, after you become a parent, whatever your definition of sexy is inevitably changes. It changes in a way I think most parents can universally understand, and the things you automatically find sexy after you have a baby are things every exhausted mother and father can appreciate on a daily, if not hourly, basis.
The moment I met my partner, I thought he was incredibly sexy. He had all the characteristics of of a man I find particularly attractive: tall, dark hair and brown eyes, tattoos, a beard, a ridiculously handsome smile. You know, the basics. His personality was also incredibly sexy, and in no-time at all we were hitting it off and getting it on. Cut to almost three years later, and what I find sexy about him hasn't changed, it has just evolved. Now he's at his sexiest when he's reading to our son before he goes to bed. Now he's at his sexiest when he's cooking dinner and telling our son, step-by-step, what he's doing and why. Now he's at his sexiest when he takes the baby to the park so I can have a few moments of uninterrupted silence to finish my work. Those are the moments when I feel a sudden urge to jump his bones, not the moments we used to share together in a bar with a whiskey coke hand.
So, it's not that sex is out the window or that parenthood kills your sex drive or that you become a boring, sexless mom-robot the moment you birth a human being. It's just that, well, the word "sexy" takes on an entirely new meaning, and it's the small but extremely substantial things that get you going. So, with that in mind, here are just a few things every new mom finds incredibly sexy, now that she has a baby:
Naps Are Sexy
I've always been a fan of naps, if I'm being honest. I didn't need to procreate to realize that naps are glorious or appreciate them for what they are. However, in my child-free days, I would have picked sex over a quick twenty minute nap every single time.
Yeah, not so much anymore
Now, if you were to ask me if I want to have sex or take a nap, I'll have to think about it. Depending on the day (and the previous night or nights) I will probably pick the nap, because god knows I need it. A quick nap on a clean couch or in the sweet, sweet comfort of my bed is the sexist thing in the world, in my humble opinion.
Sleeping In, Is Sexy
I'm a pretty big fan of morning sex. Well, I was. Now? Now I want to sleep as long as humanly possible, so if my partner is going to wake me up in the morning it better be to tell me he is going to take the baby so I can enjoy a few more minutes of glorious unconsciousness.
Then, of course, there are the sexiest mornings known to man: the mornings when my partner takes the baby and lets me sleep in as long as I want. Those mornings are responsible for my postpartum sexual awakening, thank you very much.
Absolute Silence, Is Sexy
I'm one to thrive in chaos and a slew of loud noises, if I'm being honest. I have always been somewhat uncomfortable just sitting in silence, and much prefer the dull lull of multiple conversations to zero noise. Then, of course, I had a child and that child became a very loud, constantly talking toddler.
Now? Now silence is golden. Silence is heaven. Silence is Tom Hardy shirtless cooking me a five course meal while talking to me in that beautiful accent of his.
No One Touching You For An Entire Day, Is Sexy
Being touched out is real, and I experienced it for a few (read: many) months after I had my son. Because I was breastfeeding on demand, co-sleeping and staying at home with my baby while simultaneously working from home, I was constantly being touched by another human being. I couldn't stand it. I wanted my space, but I couldn't have my space because my son needed to be fed and I wanted to bet the one to feed him.
So, when no one would touch me (even for a few minutes) I was feeling pretty good. If I could enjoy thirty minutes of no one sucking on me, tugging on me, throwing up on me, scratching me or biting me, I could start feeling like a normal human being again. It was glorious.
The Phrase, "I'll Take Care Of It," Is Sexy
The sexiest thing a parenting partner can tell a mother is, "I'll take care of it." Oh, there's a very dirty diaper that needs attention? "I'll take care of it." We need to start thinking about dinner. "I'll take care of it." The baby needs a bath. "I'll take care of it." My breast pump isn't working because this thing is a torture device and how in the world am I supposed to figure this out on absolutely zero hours of sleep? "I'll take care of it."
Those five words are so damn sexy, I get tingly in my lady bits just thinking about them. When someone loves you enough to take care of something you know will be potentially frustrating, exhausting, or just a pain in the ass, that's sexy, my friends. That's so, so sexy.
The Ability To Afford A Babysitter, Is Sexy
While I love my son and the time we get to spend together, I also need a break from him. I need some "me time," or some "adult time" with his father, so I can simply be someone other than "mom." So, when I can afford a babysitter (and I can find the time to go out with friends, my partner or just myself) I'm feeling pretty damn sexy.
I'll dress up and throw on some makeup and treat myself (and whoever I decide to spend some grown-up time with) to a night out on the town and feel like my sexy pre-baby self, even if that night is going to end at 8:00 and with me on the couch in sweats.
Problem-Free And Affordable Takeout, Is Sexy
Not more than a block away from my home there is (I swear) the best Chinese takeout restaurant in New York City. They've never messed up an order; they're affordable; they're delicious, and they know our order by heart (I am not ashamed.) They're also the sexiest people in the world, because they feed me and my family when I can't even think about making dinner.
To know that we have a go-to takeout restaurant, with delicious food that doesn't cost an arm and a leg, is like knowing you're going to get laid after a fantastic first date. It's magic, you guys. Magic.
Pajama Pants And Oversized Sweaters, Are Sexy
I have a drawer filled with pretty expensive lingerie that I used to wear on a pretty regular basis when I was actively dating and when I first met my partner. Yeah, I don't open that drawer all that often anymore.
Now? Now my partner tells me I'm sexy in pajama pants and a stained shirt. Now I know that comfort trumps appearance every single time. Now I know that snapping on a bunch of lingerie is more effort than I am willing to put into having sex (especially because it isn't necessary).
Now, I'm not saying that I don't dress sexy and have fun from time to time, because I do. Just because I'm a mother doesn't mean I'm not sexy or sexual or like having fun when it comes to sex. However, I also like my damn pajama pants and oversized sweaters, and so does my partner. They're just as sexy as that Victoria's Secret three pieced whatever it's called.
New Netflix Releases, Are Sexy
At the beginning of every month, my partner and I will look at the new movies and shows available on Netflix and let out a very satisfied sigh. That "new arrivals" tab is just sexy, you guys.
A "Quickie" Is Super Sexy
You definitely don't need to have a child to appreciate the sexiness of a quickie. They can be the most fun, and really spice up an otherwise mundane morning or afternoon or evening. However, when you do have children you tend to have more and more quickies and you really learn how to value them on an entirely new level. I don't need to "make love all night." I don't need my partner to "take his time."
Sometimes, the sexiest way to have sex is a "get in, get out" situation. I make no apologies.
Birth Control, Is Sexy
Birth control is always sexy. Always, dear reader. Literally all the time (unless you're actively trying to have a baby, of course).
Still, I won't lie and say that I've always been a fan of, say, condoms. In fact, before I had a kid I really didn't like using them at all. Now? Yeah, now they're a must-have, as are my birth control pills.
Right now, having one kid is sexy enough.