B R Sanders

Pronouns: they/them/their. B R Sanders is a white, genderqueer writer who lives and works in Denver, CO, with their family and two cats. In addition to essays about parenting and being trans and what have you, B writes queer speculative fiction. B tweets @B_R_Sanders.
Recent Articles

My Trans Son Isn't A 'Disruption,' He's A Goddamn Human Being

When President Trump was elected, I worried about what his election meant for my transgender son. As the weeks since his inauguration have ticked by, I've only gotten more angry and uneasy. This feeling peaked on Wednesday morning, when Trump continu…
By B R Sanders

I'm Married. I Have A Kid. I'm Asexual.

My sex drive has always been low. When I had sex, I enjoyed it, but no matter how good the sex was, I didn't particularly crave it or miss it when it was gone. I was always curious about sex, but in a detached and scientific way. I remember waiting f…
By B R Sanders

Honestly, I Hope My Kid Will Be Queer

I come home from work every day to a full, bustling house. I live with two partners, Samantha and Jon, and our kid, Arthur. Samantha’s sister, Mandy, also lives with us. When I come home, our house is full of laughter and voices, and I get swarmed wi…
By B R Sanders

I Have High-Functioning Depression

On paper, I probably look like I have it all together. I have a steady job that pays well enough for me to stay afloat. I even like that job. I am polyamorous, and I have a healthy relationship with both of my partners. I am an engaged and loving par…
By B R Sanders

I Slept Clean For A Week, & This Is What It Was Like

I confess I have long had a perverse fascination with all things GOOP. For the uninitiated, GOOP is Gwenyth Paltrow’s newsletter-turned-lifestyle-website where you can purchase your very own and very practical white linen shorts for only $295. GOOP h…
By B R Sanders

Co-Parenting Is Difficult When You're Trans

Parenting is difficult any way you cut it, but it gets even more complicated when you and your co-parent (or co-parents, in my case) don't bring the same life experiences to the table. That's the case in my family. My kid, Arthur, has three parents: …
By B R Sanders

I'm A Wife. I'm A Parent. And I'm Asexual.

My husband Jon and I have been married for four years. We were together for 10 years before that. We got hitched at the courthouse, while both of us were wearing cut-offs and nondescript T-shirts. We sealed the deal with a high-five as our 2-year-old…
By B R Sanders

I'm Genderqueer, & My Kid Doesn't Call Me "Mom"

I gave birth to my 5-year-old son Arthur, but he doesn't call me his mother. He already has a mother, who is my partner, Samantha. He also has a father, who is my partner Jon. (We are polyamorous.) I was assigned female at birth, but I don't identif…
By B R Sanders

I'll Never Give My Kid A Hug Without His Consent

I'm teaching my son that he owns his body and I own mine, one hug at a time. I ask him permission before I scoop him up into bear hugs. I ask him permission before I smother him with kisses. Sometimes, he tells me yes. Sometimes, he tells me no. When…
By B R Sanders

Celebrating Women's Day As A Non-Binary Mom

I am a non-binary transgender person. While I was assigned female at birth, I don't identify as a woman; the gender binary doesn't fit for me. It never has. Sometimes I feel more masculine than feminine. Sometimes I feel more feminine than masculine.…
By B R Sanders

This Is Who Trump's Transgender Policy Hurts Most

On May 13, 2016, President Obama issued a landmark executive directive that protected the right of transgender students nationwide. On Feb. 22, 2017, President Trump rescinded Obama's transgender students protections. When Trump rescinded that execut…
By B R Sanders

It's No One's Business If You Breastfeed Or Not

According to a piece published in The Guardian by author Erik Assadourian, the only people who should be allowed to feed their babies formula are a select few who have proven "beyond a reasonable doubt" that their milk production is so low that they …
By B R Sanders

'Growing Up Coy' Is A Must-Watch Doc On Netflix

When Coy Mathis’ school told her parents that their daughter could no longer use the girl’s bathroom because she was transgender and had to use either the boy’s bathroom or the school nurse’s bathroom, they decided to fight. What came out of that fig…
By B R Sanders

My Lamaze Classes Ended Up Being Totally Useless

Like many new moms, when I found out I was pregnant I was both excited and terrified. I was thrilled to start a family—but getting there meant I would have to go through the utterly horrific process of birth, and nothing about that was appealing to m…
By B R Sanders

My Partner Is Hoarding Baby Clothes, & I Don't…

My partner, Jon, tends to hoard items in our house. He is the type to bring home broken lamps left on curbs with grand plans to fix them. I go through my closet every three or four months with a donation box in hand, because I've always been willing …
By B R Sanders

I'm A Transgender Parent, & Here's What It's Like To Come Out Over & Over Again

Living as a transgender parent is an exercise in coming out, over and over again. I thought the first time I came out as trans, I would just do it once, and then I could move on with my life. Instead, I came out in ripples, to different groups of peo…
By B R Sanders

I Still Co-Sleep With My 5-Year-Old, & I Don't Care What You Think About It

There's a great deal of controversy surrounding co-sleeping, the practice of sleeping in the same bed with or close to your baby. According to co-sleeping advocates, the practice is considered "biologically appropriate," as well as an ideal way of de…
By B R Sanders

Donald Trump's Presidency Has Me Panicking For My Transgender Son

My son Arthur is transgender. I am also transgender, and he is being raised in a queer family. Many of our friends are LGBTQ people, so he is constantly surrounded by people like himself and his parents. To a degree, his way of life is normalized. Bu…
By B R Sanders

I Tried Mindful Parenting For A Week & My Kid Was Better At It Than I Was

There are a million ways to do parenting well, but you can never really be sure if you’re doing it perfectly. There's constant pressure on you to be the very best parent you can be: better than your parents were, better than that mom at your play gro…
By B R Sanders

Here's What It's Really Like To Parent When You're Polyamorous

My kid has three parents. There’s me, his dad Jon, and his mom Sam. We are polyamorous, meaning that the three of us are in a relationship and raise our child Arthur together. It's tough to determine how common polyamory is in the United States. For …
By B R Sanders