Courtesy of Steph Montgomery

11 Questions Every Mom Recovering From Childbirth Is Tired Of Hearing

Ad failed to load

As a mom with a baby, I am tired AF. And by "tired," I mean, "I haven't really slept more than a couple of hours in a row since my third trimester," tired. It's the, "I'm completely fed up with people's unrealistic expectations and incessant questions about my body, my birth, or my baby" kind of tired. I, for one, would like to heal without having to answer the intrusive, presumptive, and insensitive questions people think are OK to ask. Honestly, there are so many questions moms recovering from childbirth are tired of hearing, and I have heard them all.

I just had my third baby, and since I've already done the postpartum life thing before, you would think I would remember how hard recovering from childbirth would be. Nope. The truth is, I still feel lost at times and a ton of pressure to do everything perfectly (which is totally impossible, by the way). And it's all made worse by people's constant questions.

Am I still breastfeeding? Nope, my baby has food protein allergies and I have undersupply, not that I should have to explain that to strangers.

Ad failed to load

Have I lost the baby weight, yet? Nope, but thanks for bringing that up. I definitely wasn't worried about my weight-loss struggles until today, at this very moment when you felt the need to make a comment about my body. Seriously, would you ask a stranger who didn't just have a baby if they are trying to lose weight? Probably not.

Is your baby sleeping through the night? I'm not even going to respond to that question, because I am too tired to speak.

The moment you have a baby, the countdown starts for you to go back to being you. The trouble, of course, is that everything changes when you have a baby, so the chances of you getting "back to normal" again are about as high as getting a full night's sleep. In other words: it's not going to happen. Recovering from childbirth is a big deal. So, while us moms are doing this seriously hard thing, we would appreciate it if people would stop asking so many questions:

Ad failed to load

"Is That All You Did Today?"


Let me see, I grew a human in my body while struggling through 40 weeks (more or less) of hyperemesis gravidarum, prenatal depression, back pain, and peeing myself anytime I sneezed. Then I pushed that baby out of my vagina (my poor, poor vagina). Now, I am expected to care for that baby, feed them, and stay up all night. At the same time, people expect me to lose the baby weight, clean my house, go back to work, and put on real clothes. Nope. My only job is caring for this baby and keeping both of us alive. That alone deserves a high five, so anything else is icing on the cake.

"Did You Deliver Naturally?"

I hate this question. I wish it would die in a fire. I mean, honestly, why do you care? It feels like you are implying that "natural" birth (by which you mean an unmedicated, vaginal birth) is better than other births. It's just not. Also, people who get epidurals or have C-sections did not fail at birth. Birth is badass, no matter how it went down. I need to recover now, not answer questions about the way I brought my child into the world, or worse, feel like I have to defend how I gave birth.

By the way, my epidural was freaking magical — just what I needed to have a healthy baby — not a sign of failure at all.

"Are You Breastfeeding?"


No, I'm not breastfeeding. No, I actually don't owe you any explanations as to why not. How about this? I will explain my medical history, breastfeeding struggles, and my baby's food allergies, if you tell me about your last orgasm? What? That's personal? Exactly.

As a mom who struggled with undersupply, it hurts when people ask me if I am breastfeeding or make me feel like I have to tell my breastfeeding saga to perfect strangers. It's really none of their business, and it almost always ends with them asking me to justify my choices. Just don't.

Ad failed to load

"Is Your Baby A Good Baby?"

Newborns are pretty much adorable potatoes who eat, sleep, cry, and poop. We shouldn't expect much from them, and there's really no such thing as a "bad baby." Is your baby a baby? Then, they are a good baby.

"Did You Tear?"


There you go again with questions about my vagina (and labia and perineum). Could you not? Besides, as a new mom I have pretty much lost all sense of shame about my body. So if you ask me this particular question, you risk me describing it in detail or showing you my stitches. You should probably stop and ask yourself: do you really want to know?

"Have You Lost The Baby Weight, Yet?"

No, and honestly I might not lose the baby weight — now or ever. That's OK. My worth as a human doesn't require achieving a certain weight or fitting into my pre-pregnancy jeans. No matter how many pictures you see of celebrities on Instagram with flat stomachs five days postpartum, or losing all of the baby weight within weeks of going home from the hospital, for most of us that's not reality.

Ad failed to load

"When Are You Going Back To Work?"


I get that you think you are making small talk, but the last thing I want to think about right now is going back to work. Besides, when you ask this question, you really have no idea what's going on in a new mom's life. She might not get enough maternity leave, she might have lost her job, she might want to go back to work as soon as humanly possible, or she might not be returning to work at all. You just don't know, so don't ask.

"Are You Interested In A Weight Loss Product I Sell?"

Not only do I think that multi-level marketing schemes are unethical and predatory, but I know they aren't likely to work. Besides, trying to sell me something for weight loss right now, kind of implies that you have "a problem" with my postpartum body. Just stop.

"When Are You Having Another Baby?"


Never. The answer is never. At least, I hope not. Besides, this one I just gave birth to is literally brand new. I get that my baby is perfect and adorable, and you think I should make a dozen more just like him, but the thought of being pregnant again right now is goddamn terrifying.

Ad failed to load

"Why Aren't You Happy?"

Postpartum depression is real, and according to Postpartum Progress it impacts as many one in five women each year. It's not something you can prevent or "just get over," no matter how much you want to. Please don't ask me if I am depressed unless you are following up with, "How can I help?"

"Is Your Baby Sleeping Through The Night?"

Courtesy of Steph Montgomery

Now that's just mean. It's not as if I have a say in how much or how little my baby sleeps. If I did, I would totally be getting more sleep. Trust me. Besides, my baby is learning how to be a human, and I am learning how to be his mom. Give us some time to figure things out.

In the meantime, how about you wait for me to brag about his sleep, rather than bringing up what's likely to be a sore subject?

Watch Romper's new video series, Romper's Doula Diaries:

Check out the entire Romper's Doula Diaries series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

15 Baby Names With Unique Nicknames, So Your Family Has Options

I love a good diminutive name, also known as a nickname. I believe I’m partial to them because of my own name, Abigale, but I go by Abi. And since they’re both uniquely spelled, everyone thinks my name is pronounced Ah-bee for some reason — but even …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

The Entire Family Can Enjoy These Movies & Shows Coming To Netflix In June

It's just one of those sad facts of life: every month, shows and movies vanish from Netflix, their varied excitements no longer at your fingertips. But luckily the streaming service is always prepared to fill that content void with lots of new things…
By Megan Walsh

The Reason Why Babies Smile At You Will Seriously Make You Smile

Whether you're currently the recipient of your own baby's sweet smiles or you just seem to be a magnet for baby grins in general, you might find yourself wondering why babies are always smiling at you. Sure, you could be a 'smile whisperer' but scien…
By Kate Miller

8 Ways Your Baby Is Trying To Say That, Yes, You Are Their Favorite

For a baby to show a preference for a specific person is not only normal, but an essential part of their development. Babies need to form strong attachments to their caregivers for their emotional, social, and physical wellbeing. Usually, but not alw…
By Kimmie Fink

10 Reasons Why I Won't Apologize For Giving My Toddler A Pacifier

My first child had no interest in a pacifier. I tried a couple times to get him to take one, but he always spat them out and gave me an incredulous, judgmental look. But my second? It was love at first suckle. And after a while, the incredulous, judg…
By Jamie Kenney

Being A Dog Parent Prepared Me For Having A Baby, Really

I’ve always wanted kids; I was never as sure about raising a puppy. Then I spent six months living with someone who brought home an eight-week-old golden retriever puppy, and I see no way to make it out of that experience claiming not to love dogs. I…
By Heather Caplan

20 Of The Most Popular Unisex Names Of All Time, That You'll Be Hearing More Of For Sure

You might think of unisex names as a fairly recent trend, but the truth is these versatile monikers have been commonly used throughout history (well, some more commonly than others). That's why the team over at recently compiled a list of t…
By Jacqueline Burt Cote

How To Have A Date Night With No Babysitter, Because It's Easier Than You Think

After having children, many couples feel that their love lives immediately go out the window, but it's so important to make your romantic life a priority so both you and your partner can be the best versions of yourselves you can be. As we all know, …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

9 Ways Baby No. 3 Made My Family Feel Complete

My husband and I decided to have another baby right after we got married and, well, we had no idea what we were getting into. I got pregnant right away, endured a high-risk pregnancy, and, before I knew it, my third baby had arrived. Together, we emb…
By Steph Montgomery

8 Stereotypes About New Dads That Are *Totally* True

Much like new mothers, new fathers have a lot on their plate. Parenting can be scary and complex, especially at first and regardless of your gender. People want to do right by their kids, after all. And since all new parents are a hot mess, dads are …
By Priscilla Blossom

8 Differences Between Being Pregnant In Your 20s Vs 30s, According To Science

Whether you're planning a pregnancy, or just thinking about your future family, it's typical to think about things like child-spacing, how many kids you want, and when to start trying to conceive. When making your pro/con list, you might also conside…
By Steph Montgomery

16 Moms Share Remedies For Their Most Intense Chocolate Cravings During Pregnancy

For better or worse, pregnancy is usually synonymous with odd cravings. Sure, there are the stereotypical combos like pickles and ice cream that plague gestating women the world over, but there are other mind-boggling combinations, too, including but…
By Candace Ganger

Putting Sunscreen On Your Kid Doesn't Have To Be A Fight — Here's How To Do It

I am almost translucent, so me and sunscreen are basically besties at this point. Even though my children are beautifully deep brown thanks to my husband's genetics, I still slather them like biscuits being buttered because I refuse to take risks wit…
By Cat Bowen

19 Moms Share The Way They Cured Their Pregnancy Comfort Food Cravings

I was obnoxiously sick during the first trimester with, "lucky" for me, both of my pregnancies. For the first three months I lived on saltines, lemonade, and fresh bread. Once I was able to eat, however, all I wanted was savory and sweet comfort food…
By Dina Leygerman

I Used To Judge Formula-Feeding Moms — Until I Became One

The other patrons in the hip Brooklyn restaurant probably couldn’t care less what I was feeding my baby, but I’ll always remember the shame I felt as I quickly mixed up his bottle of formula in front of them. I admitted to my childless friend that I …
By Katherine Martinelli

7 White Lies It’s Necessary To Tell To Keep Your Relationship Healthy

Telling lots of lies typically isn't associated with a healthy, strong, lasting relationship, and that's still certainly true, but not all lies are exactly the same. Though you've probably heard from someone at least once or twice that the lie they t…
By Lauren Schumacker

The Skinny Jeans That Saved Me Postpartum

Accepting my post-pregnancy body is hands-down one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. It’s something that I still work on every single day. During my first pregnancy, I was 20 years old, so I managed to bounce back quickly. In fact, I dropp…
By Allison Cooper

7 Ways Your Baby Is Trying To Say They Feel Safe

In those first weeks of new motherhood, it can feel like you need an interpreter for your newborn. With their limited means of communication, figuring out what message your baby is trying to get across to you can be a challenge. With time, however, y…
By Kimmie Fink

Here's Why Dogs Are Obsessed With Babies' Poop, According To Science

Most family dogs seem to understand babies, and they're more than happy to make friends with the newest member of the pack. It's adorable... for the most part and until you go to change your little one's diaper. Suddenly, you're wondering why dogs ar…
By Lindsay E. Mack

6 Signs You're Meant To Have A Big Age Gap Between Kids

There's a five year age difference between my two children, to the day. Their age gap wasn't planned but, for a variety of reasons, works well for our family. And since I was so focused on having a second baby, I totally overlooked the signs that wou…
By Candace Ganger

My Dog Knew I Was Pregnant Before My Family Did

Growing up, I was 100 percent sure I'd be a mom one day. To a dog, that is. My baby plans came later. And once my husband and I were sure we wanted both a dog and a baby, we'd add to our joint dog-and-baby name list over Sunday brunch or on date nigh…
By Melissa Mills