53 Ways My Kid Made Me Laugh My Ass Off In A 24 Hour Period
by Fiona Tapp

Being a parent is difficult, what with the lack of sleep and the serious responsibility and the seemingly endless demands. If anyone needs to kick back and look at the lighter side of life, it's us parents. Luckily most kids can help us with that, as they are naturally hilarious. I find myself usually writing down funny little sayings my toddler has invented, or calling my mom on the phone to regal her with his latest musings, so I decided to listen carefully for a whole day and record all the ways my kid made me laugh my ass off in a 24 hour period.

Whether they are getting into messes, amusing us with their skewed logic or entertaining us with funny dances; children have this incredible ability to make you stop taking yourself so seriously and, instead, dance a silly dance or say something ridiculous or just laugh for the sake of laughing. Each stage of childhood seems to have its own amusing quality, too. Babies have the patent on funny faces and noises, toddlers are the uninhibited extroverts, pre-schoolers amuse us with ridiculous stories and one liners and elementary school students are the best at lame jokes and silly sayings.

The non-stop comedy show that is our children's hilarious antics, is the gift given to all parents, helping us get through difficult moments, horrendous tantrums and sleepless nights (and are, I'm sure, a pre-apology for the teenage years). So, with that in mind and because we all need a good laugh these days, here's 24 hours of oddness that made me laugh, courtesy of my little one:

When He Yelled From The Comfort Of His Room, "Mommy! I Am Alive In Here"

Good to know! I have always taken his continued existence to be a measure of my good parenting, so here's to another day.

When He Said, "I Don't Need To Go Potty, I Don't Pee Anymore"

Cue a puddle of pee on the floor. Potty training is the worst so any lighter, funny moments we can find are a welcomed relief.

When He Asked For "Beanut Putter" For Breakfast

I cant even correct him because its just too darn cute. Totes adorbs, you guys.

When He Told Me What He Wanted For Christmas

Q:"What do you want for Christmas?"

A: "Everything!"

Oh dear.

When He Said He "Wanted To Go To Christmas" Today. In November.

Do you notice a theme? Its gonna be a long month!

When He Said, "I Look Just Like Grandad In This Shirt" While Getting Dressed

My son seems to attach the people in his life to certain clothes. For example, daddy is a pair of work boots, mom is slippers, nanna is a raincoat, and grandpa a baseball cap.

When He Twirled In Front Of The Mirror And Yelled, "I Look Fabulous!"

I honestly wish I had my kid's confidence. Children start off with such incredible body confidence and self esteem, it's nothing short of heartbreaking to think that somewhere along the way, they can (and do) lose it.

When My Son Complimented Me By Saying, "You're So Beautiful And Your Tummy's So Big!"

Gee, thanks, kid! Children are the champions of backhanded compliments and the always infamous "foot in mouth" disease.

When He Said, "You're Such A Good Boy, Mommy"

He doesn't seem at all concerned with gender labels at this age, and I'm more than OK with it.

When He Said "This Show Is Just Awful!"

FYI, he loved the same television show yesterday. Children are so fickle, so yesterday's beloved show becomes today's garbage. Everyone's a critic, even the toddlers.

When He Said "I Love Muddles" (Muddy Puddles)

Of all the funny sayings and cute expressions, my favorites are the adorable little toddler portmanteaus. I mean, you gotta love those.

When He Put On His Dad's Steel Toed Boots And Pretended He Was A Robot

"Bee beep bop, I am a robot!" He then follows up this adorable declaration by crashing through the house, leaving a trail of cement rock and dirt behind him.

When He Walked Around Naked, Except For Yellow Rubber Gloves He Chose To Wear

I turn my back for two minutes and he has totally stripped off and is wearing my cleaning gloves, and nothing else. How come kids have zero inhibitions?

When He Was Stuck In His Toy Box

Parenting seems to be a constant struggle between being able to watch and laugh and having to intervene and actually help.

When He Pretended To Be A Baby

He flops around on my lap, holding his feet and looking cute, complete with the whimpering "I am a baby" declaration, always made in a high pitched voice (as if I would miss it).

When He Licked My Face

I have to add that this lick was also random and for no apparent reason. Kids are in equal measures hilarious and gross, you guys.

When He Yelled "Excuse Me, I Did A Fluff!" In Public

I seem to spend my days either hiding, being embarrassed or laughing. At least he apologized though, right?

When He Hid In An Empty Closet IN A Store, Then Jumped Out And Scared Random Shoppers

Oh Lord, someone's going to have a heart attack and it's going to be all my damn fault.

When He Yelled, "Help, I am In A Tidal Pool, Help!" During Swimming Lessons

Everyone stares and, sure, it's embarrassing, but still hilarious.

When He Said He Wanted To Be "Naked Like An Otter"

OK, well, I'm not sure that request is going to go over well when we're on the bus. Also, it's November.

When He Asked About Breastfeeding

He loudly asked, Why isn't there any more milk in your breasts?"when we were riding public transportation.

Yeah, why isn't there? Curious commuters need to know, right? Even though I am giggling from the humiliation, I am also sort of proud that he used the proper name for said body part.

When He Counts "1, 2, 3, 11, F, L, M, N, O, Meow"

We follow a varied curriculum around here, but I must admit; animal impersonations and rude noises are my son's favorite topics.

When He Stroked My Leg And Said, "Good Kitty"

Just weird, or maybe a reminder that I need to shave my legs.

When He Walked To The Park Backwards, Hopping On One Leg

Because why walk when you can hop, trip and fall? I try to keep up with my little man, even running when he asks me to and racing him home with him, but he has way more energy than I could ever dream of.

When He Whispered "We Don't Kill" While Playing

Well, that's reassuring, I guess?

When He Tripped Over A Toy, Decided To Become A Snake And Rolled Around The Floor, Hissing

Good recovery, kid.

When He Talked To Squirrels In A Squeky Voice

When I asked why, he said, "Squirrels talk squeak." Sometimes kids are totally logical and it's just the best.

When He Picked Up A Toy And Asked, "Why Am I The Only One Who Cleans Up Around Here?"

Half of all the funny things my son says are funny because he is parroting (at least, in part) all the things we say to him. I must admit, there's something really amusing about having your little sayings and idioms repeated back to you.

When He Set Up A "RoadBlock" By Dumping Every Toy He Owns In The Middle Of The Room

Oh boy, clean up will be fun.

When He Said, "I Will Never Sleep Again"

Please, please, let it be a bluff.

When He Played "Hide and Go Seek" By Standing In The Middle Of The Room With His Eyes Closed

I love how little children think they are invisible if they close their eyes, as if their existence only relies on their own point of view.

Sometimes my son will hide behind something when we're playing (and when I make the suggestion), but he gets so excited usually ends up shouting, "I'm hiding right here!" I mean, that's the most adorable thing ever.

When He Collected Dust From Behind Our Couch And Loaded It On His Dump Truck

Do you think my kid's trying to tell me something about my housekeeping skills? I do.

When He Pretended To Work By Talking Loudly On My Cell Phone And Tapping On My Computer

He throws in a few comments like "I am busy" and "I is writing." Is this what I look like? Probably.

When He Said "I Can't Eat This, Because It's Disgusting!"

Well that makes sense.

When He Drank His Milk By Pouring It From His Cup Onto A Spoon

Because we're fancy like that, I guess?

When He Made A Cup Of Tea In His Toy Kitchen And Said, "Now Isn't That Better!"

I am English, so of course my son knows that tea is my religion.

When He Asked, "Mommy Where's Your Penis?"

This was asked in a shocked tone of voice. When I told my son I didn't have a penis, he replied, "Poor you!"

When He Pretended To Be An Iceburg

I don't even know where he gets half of his vocabulary from, but it's as funny as it is impressive.

When He Did A Dance And Shouted "It's Daddy Time!" When My Partner Came Home

For the record, I don't get any dances even though it's always mommy time.

When He Told Me To Get Lost

"What do you think you're doing? I can't concentrate when you chat."

My kid is always telling me off, now that I think about it. I feel like bowing and saying, "I am so sorry, your Majesty!"

When He Called My Glass Of Wine "Mommy's Special Drink"

That's right!

When He Put His Hands Through The Legs Of His Pajama Bottoms

Just because, of course. He then walked around the house, like a bear.

When He Said, "You're My Drum!"

Being a mom means you have to get used to being touched on seemingly every hour of every day, until the end of time and space. However, being used as a human instrument is a new one for me.

When He Said We Can't Eat Animals Because "They're Wild, And They Will Eat you!"

His favorite food is spaghetti bolognese, but he doesn't believe me when I tell him that one of the ingredients is, essentially, a cow. I foresee a future vegetarian.

When He Randomly Said "I love Rod Stewart"

I blame the grandparents for this one, if I'm being honest. Thanks a lot, you guys.

When He Asked Me If His Dad Is My Dad, Too

Families are so complicated, but not that complicated.

When He Asked If We Could Go To A "Fancy" Restaurant Tomorrow

The one he wants to go to is decidedly not fancy and offers free kid meals and a balloon but, hey, we all like what we like.

When He Was Obsessed With The Fact That Someone Else Shares My Name

He just kept repeating, "But that's your name!" and looking confused. There can be only one, apparently.

When He Looked Inside My Bra And Said, "Calm Down, Just Checking"

Well that's OK then.

When He Stroked My Face And Said, "Mmm, So Soft. Not Like Daddy's Picky Mustache."

The compliment just keep coming.

When He Opened His Eyes Super Wide And Said, "I Can See You"

Glad we have that cleared up, kid.

When He Asked Me, "What Noise Does A Worm Make?"

I'll admit, this question stumped me. It was especially complicated when he followed it up with, "What if he was scared?" Kid's ask the strangest questions.

When He Decided It Was Time To Go To Bed

My sweet toddler put me a headlock and, when I struggled, tightened his grip and whispered, "It's sleepy time." I mean, that's about as hilarious as it is really freakin' creepy.

After a day like this one, rest assured I took the time to sit back with my glass of vino and tell my partner all the hilarious things our little prodigy did in such a short period of time. Sure, parenting can be tough but, well, it's also pretty fun.