Surprise! Reuniting children with their mothers and fathers who have been overseas serving is instant ugly cry fodder.

It took me an hour to pack up everything I needed to leave the house with a baby in tow, and now I am at the bus stop without my bus pass and not enough spare change for the ride. Cue the tears, my friends.

Little kids thanking their moms for everything they do? Yeah, you might as well call me walking pile of crocodile tears. I am getting choked up just thinking about it.

It only said "I love you" but it was all I needed for a 20 minute cry fest.

He didn't send me a message all day? What? Why does he hate me?

Finding unbelievably small items of clothing that somehow no longer fit my still-tiny infant always made me cry.

Someone bought me cheesecake and it got lost at the back of the fridge. I found it a few weeks later and it was way past its sell by date. Why does my life suck so much?

My favorite show wasn't recorded and it was the season finale and now all is lost.

My favorite contestant was dropped from the reality show and it's so horribly unfair that I just cannot help but shed a tear. They are just so talented, you know?

Oh my sweet heaven, every lullaby I sing my child is either insanely sad and touching, like James Taylor's "You've got a friend," or hideously cruel like "Rock-a-bye Baby."

Look at his little tiny eyelashes! He's so damn adorable, it would be wrong not to cry.

It really hurts at first, just so you know.

I pumped for 40 mins when I could have been sleeping, I filled up half of one of those tiny little bottles (a personal best, by the way), and I knocked it over as I was trying to put the lid on. There is no greater misery in life, in my humble opinion, than split breast milk.

After listening to me complain for half an hour about everything I was doing wrong and how my baby wouldn't sleep, she tells me I'm doing a great job and now I'm in tears.

I am just so, (gulp) grateful.

Maybe I'll wear maternity clothes forever. That seems like a pretty understandable life choice.

This baby on YouTube is so adorable, it makes me laugh and then cry. No logic to this new mom business, I tell ya!

Why do I always (sob) cry so much (gulp)?

I actually purposefully put this old Sally Fields movie on if I want to cry. It gets me going right about the time she realizes her husband isn't who she thought he was.

I have no friends. No friends at all, I tell you!

Then I remember she does actually have a full-time job and probably can't reply to every message the second she gets it. Now I'm crying because I am the one who's a bad friend.

I love this cat so much but he always make me cry, I don't even know why. Damn you hormones!

I don't like bacon. I know, I know. So sue me, I still don't like eating it.

Not just any sweater, mind you: my favorite sweater. This is unacceptable.

Why won't she play with me? Is it because I was preoccupied with the baby? Please fur baby, talk to me. This whole motherhood-having-to-pay-attention-to-the-baby thing isn't personal, I promise!

It's such a small "mistake," in the big scheme of things, but it really made me feel like I couldn't do anything right as a mom. Ugh.

How dare they. I have had that name picked out since 5th grade, so can someone please explain to me how can people be so selfish!?

Gross.

I loved watching One Born Every Minute and reliving my own birth experience, complete with tears.

How have I only just realized this? All those years I should have been thanking my mom for giving me life, not just eating cake. After all, she did the same kind of hard work to bring me into the world, as I did to bring my son into the world. #Perspective

I am just so happy for her that my joy has to come out through my eye holes.

While this would be some welcomed information to some women, I wasn't particularly looking forward to postpartum sex. So, yeah, I was kind of sad to hear that I was medically cleared to engage in some sexy time.

Geoffrey, I missed you so much, my dear friend.

It's about time and he just deserves it so much (sniff, sniff) you know? Like, he works so hard and he slept inside a dead animal just to get a shiny trophy.

Maybe he doesn't like me? Why doesn't he like me, you guys? Was it the burnt dinner thing?

I honestly cried more because I couldn't stop crying in the first place. Talk about a vicious cycle of endless hormones.

He's so mean and, well, factually correct.

I could drink and drink and drink and still be thirsty. I also needed to pee all the time, too, and that pretty much was the worst.

He's probably just trying to extract milk but I am counting that as a kiss and it was adorable.

WTF?

Because childbirth wasn't enough, apparently.

I love crime shows, CSI, Law and Order, Criminal Minds; I am obsessed. However, now that I am a parent, I find any story line involving children to be way too much to handle. In other words, there's no way I'm making it through an episode without crying.

I am already so proud.

I make so many mistakes, I'm convinced spellcheck just gives up on me and offers no substitutions whatsoever. Ugh.

While breastfeeding on demand I would often forget that bits of my body were exposed and innocently go about having normal conversations, only to die inside later when I realized.

I used to be, um. What's the word? Oh yeah, smart. I used to be smart.

The date clashed with my due date, but they could have asked me anyway. It's honestly like I don't even exist!

They put hot peppers on my pizza. Why must I be persecuted like this?

I calculated what age I will be at various important milestones in my child's life and, well, I am so old!

My one salvation in life is caffeine. I don't have time to remake it and everyone knows microwaving coffee is one step away from eating out of the garbage. Ugh.

What if he can't breathe? Should I take him to the doctors? Does that snot sucker thingy hurt him? Test his temperature again. Wait, is that a fever? So stressful! Just going to sit here and cry for a bit.

And I really do.